IDL08 Season 1: Finding Your Purpose with Brian Bosché
Why can it be difficult to find your purpose by following your passion? Is it possible to turn any life experience, negative or positive into an asset for your life? What power lies behind a grateful leader?
On today's show, I speak with Brian Bosché about finding your purpose and using your skills to transform somebody else's life. We also talk about how you can discover your purpose by asking 3 very pivotal questions.
Meet Brian Bosché
Brian Bosché has been called “the next generation of motivators” by Tom Ziglar, along with Gabrielle Bosché. He started his first successful company at the age of 26 with a laptop, a phone, and 50 dollars.
Brian is an expert on purpose at work and a consultant who helps high achievers, business leaders, and companies (big and small) discover and use purpose at work. He has personally consulted Fortune 500 companies, A-list celebrities, and designed strategies for leaders looking to remain on top in this competitive talent market. Brian is the co-founder of The Purpose Company. Brian's goal is to demystify purpose and develop the most practical and actionable understanding of purpose in the world. He helps people discover who they are, who they are meant to help, and how to use their purpose as a clarity-producing decision-making paradigm.
Visit Brian’s website and connect with him on LinkedIn and Instagram.
In this episode we discuss:
Passion – what is it?
Why does purpose not always work with passion?
The power of gratitude
PASSION - WHAT IS IT?
Are there parts to purpose?
Can it be discovered in a sequence?
Can it be practically applied to my life and business?
What is the difference between passion and emotion? In Brian’s book, it is discussed that passion is a barely controllable emotion, although you should not let this dictate your life. If you had a passion for coffee, it does not necessarily mean you should open a coffee shop.
“When [millennials and Gen Z] say they are passionate about something, what they really mean is that they like something and you shouldn’t make a lifetime decision based on a ‘like’. ”
A second definition of passion in Brian’s book is the suffering and death of Christ. In terms of principle, this second definition means that whatever you claim to be passionate about, you had better be willing to sacrifice for it.
This definition challenges the idea that things you are passionate about should come easily to you, because instead, if you are truly passionate about something, you will sacrifice time, energy and effort to achieve it.
WHY DOES PURPOSE NOT ALWAYS WORK WITH PASSION
It can be difficult to find your purpose by following your passion because passion does not always exist at the start of new ventures and possibilities. Sometimes without the skills and maturity or experience, you will not feel that passionate about trying something new.
What sparks passion and purpose is when the first moment of fulfillment kicks in, and it comes in when your skills transform the outcomes of another person’s life.
Therefore as your skills increase, your passion for something can increase exponentially. And, every experience in your life whether good or bad can be turned into an asset that you can use to transform the lives of others around you.
THE POWER OF GRATITUDE
“As John says, everything rises and falls on leadership. However, … everything rises and falls on purpose because a leader who doesn’t know his or her purpose is an insecure leader. And what do insecure leaders do? They micromanage and push people around, they play office politics. ”
On the other hand, a secure and grateful leader uses their purpose and passion to ignite the purpose of the people they lead and ties it all into the overall mission of the group.
Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:
Visit Brian’s website and connect with him on LinkedIn and Instagram
The Impact Driven Leader YouTube Channel
Join the Impact Driven Leader Community
About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast
The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.
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Podcast Transcription
[TYLER DICKERHOOF]: Hey, welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader podcast. This is Tyler Dickerhoof. Glad you're back for another episode. Another guest here on the Impact Driven Leader podcast. If it's your first time, welcome home. It's good. Glad you're here. My intent is that you're going to get value today. You're going to learn more about being a leader in whatever space you're in. And that's why this podcast is here to give people hope too, to show pictures of other people, doing things too, to learn to lead. And the biggest person we got to lead is ourselves. And today's guest, Brian Bosche, the author of The Purpose Factor, as he and I got to have this conversation that you're going to listen to in just a few minutes. One of the things that really struck a chord with me as he mentioned too, is the day that we find out our purpose is really understanding how we can find fulfillment by using our skills to transform somebody else's life.
And to me, that's an impact driven leader. That's someone that I've mentioned another podcast before is okay with their shortcomings, is okay with their insecurities and know that those don't hold them back from the potential of leading people, but they can use those opportunities to empathize, to get closer, to create a deeper relationship with people still collectively. We can all move towards a greater vision. That is my dream desire. I'm so excited for you to listen to this conversation with Brian. So Brian and his wife, Gabrielle a second relationship for Brian, he's gone through challenges. He's gone through different things in his life, and it really came through this process that he learned about his purpose. He shares this story in the book that he was on a phone call with a lady and he's trying to sell this product to her and she's like, "I don't even know if this is right for me. I don't even know my purpose." And equips in the books is like, "I don't know, either."
Today you're going to learn from Brian, the cute questions, the ways to learn about your purpose. And I'm going to share with you these three questions. You're going to hear it later on but I'm going to tell you now. The three questions that he has; Are there parts to purpose? Can it be discovered in a sequence? Can it be proactively applied to my life and business? Those are the questions that Brian asks when going about finding your purpose. He has a framework built into it, and I'm so excited in this month of March, as we're going through this idea of purpose. We had Paula Faris, we have now Brian, we have other guests that we're going to talk about this entire idea of purpose. And to me, the day that I found out what I was here to do really started this journey to serving people and creating a bigger impact. Man, I hope you enjoy this episode and thank you for joining and being a listener today.
[TYLER]: All right, guys. So I gave you a brief introduction of Brian Bosche here in the intro. Glad to sit down with you, Brian. This is actually the first time we've seen each other face to face, but we've chatted a couple of times. We've become social media friends. I'm so glad for the opportunity to just chat with you and have you share a little bit with this Impact Driven Leader audience.
[BRIAN BOSCHE]: Yes. It's good to hang out with you, man.
[TYLER]: You know, it's a bummer. We were actually supposed to hang out in Costa Rica and unfortunately COVID got the best of that. And I'd had a friend, I was at an event, a John Maxwell event and he told me, "Hey, you got to get this book. You got to read this book. It's so amazing." And I'm like, "All right, well, what is it?" It's called The Purpose Factor. Okay, good. It talks about purpose. Like I bought so many of them. I think I bought out everyone what this guy was telling me. And so I actually, I recommended your book before I ever read it. I recommend it to my younger sister. I don't know if she's read it or not, but it comes with high regard, but what I loved was the conversation we had. And so today we're going to just have a conversation if that's cool.
[BRIAN]: Yes.
[TYLER]: All right. So for the audience, I want you to kind of explain a little bit, how did you get to the point of writing The Purpose Factor and what kind of brought you to that point in life?
[BRIAN]: I'll tell you that started six years ago. Six years ago, I was completely broke. I had just gone through a divorce. I had gotten laid off from my dream job. I was a national journalist covering government corruption and terrorism. It was a job that I got right out of law school. It was my dream job right out of school, which was a huge blessing, and then a year later after I got that job, I got laid off from that job. And then the same month that I got laid off, my divorce was final at the same time. And so I was in this place where I was totally broke, I had no marriage, I had no money, I had nothing. And also what I was dealing with at the time, I was dealing with an undealt with, childhood sexual trauma that happened to me when I was about seven years old. So I had these three major things, kind of weighing down on me at the same time, in the same period.
And in the midst of that, I was surrounded by mentors and friends who kept telling me, "Find your purpose, find your purpose." But it was just prescriptive. It was just go do this, but there was never any mentorship towards how to do that. And I found myself in a really frustrated place. In fact, I came to the conclusion that the discovery of purpose for most people is either over spiritualized or somewhat emotional without any kind of practical process by which it's discovered. So I found myself in this place being a journalist and having been trained in the law with three primary questions: are there parts to purpose? Can it be discovered in a sequence and then can it be practically applied to my life, my business, my entrepreneurship? And so that's really the origin story of where all of this started. And what was really funny is after months of initial research, I saw what I had in terms of a process. And by the way, this, I wasn't trying to write a book or create a process. In fact, I really don't like writing that much.
[TYLER]: Well, I noticed. Did Gabrielle write the book?
[BRIAN]: No we both wrote the book, but ---
[TYLER]: You both. How did, let's just, I'm going to stop here because again, this is a conversation. I work with my wife, you work with your wife, how did that go? How did that writing process go dude?
[BRIAN]: Okay, so we actually wrote a business book for our business clientele before that together and I think that was a great practice run before we got into this one. And it truly is, a lot of authors, if they're doing a coauthor thing, usually one person tends to do more of the writing. This truly was a joint effort. We would spend hours upon hours just arguing over the concepts of each chapter and the research. Then she would like throw down the initial narrative that we discussed and then it would just be a painstaking, you know like a review process. We would read it out loud. I think the book had 25 edits in total, by the time we put it into print. So that's how all this started.
[TYLER]: And you guys are still married.
[BRIAN]: We're totally still married. I think it probably our relationship better, but, I think what you find when you write a book together is you find really let's say unique ways to express your love for each other.
[TYLER]: Well, I get that. I think working together, but let's get back to this, kind of this topic of purpose. One of the things I picked out reading the book is, it's kind of this idea, people stumble into it.
[BRIAN]: Yes.
[TYLER]: Like this blew me away. It blew me away and it was great. I just got to share this with somebody else on a podcast is the difference between passion and purpose. And so I went and looked up the definition, you talk about it. You don't, there's two definitions of passion. And you know, one of them is, as you well know, because you wrote it is the kind of uncontrollable, the strong and barely controllable emotion. That's passion. You know what the second definition of passion is? Literally the, literally not, I know they're changing the definition of that. The suffering and death of Jesus. Those are the two definitions of passion. And everyone talks about follow your passion and be my passion. Will you dig into that? Why do you see people just go dead wrong there?
[BRIAN]: I actually want to come to that second definition in a second because everything we write is plain language, biblical principles. I'll come to that second definition in a second and what it actually means, but the first definition barely controllable emotion. What you realize is when you start saying, if every time you said you were passionate about something you had to instead use the definition, it would sound totally irresponsible. You don't have a barely controllable emotion for coffee. That doesn't mean you should start a coffee shop. You know, you may not have talent or business tack to start a coffee shop maybe yet, maybe you need some more training, but what we ended up seeing today, especially generation Z, millennials, what you notice about them is when they say they're passionate about something, what they really mean is they like something. And you shouldn't make like a lifetime decision based on a like. And I think we need to replace the word, like with the word passionate and start recognizing that we shouldn't run after every single light that we have in our life. But the second definition of passion literally is the suffering and death of Christ. The suffering and death of Christ. What is the ---
[TYLER]: Yes, go to like a Merriam Webster.
[BRIAN]: No doubt.
[TYLER]: I'm not making this up. You're not making it up. It blew me away when I saw it was like, okay. So when I talk about my passion, I'm like, tit is a head-scratcher dude and I don't have any hair, so nothing to protect me. It's a head scratcher.
[BRIAN]: Okay. So, here's the thing about that definition. Here's what it means in terms of principle, that second definition, the suffering and death of Christ; is that whatever you claim to be passionate about, you better be willing to sacrifice for it.
[TYLER]: Ooh, that's good. That's good. Well, and I think, go ahead.
[BRIAN]: Well, there's this popular notion that I'm trying to get into my flow state or what I'm passionate about should be easy and nothing about the mission that I'm on has been easy or flow state whatsoever.
[TYLER]: Well, I mean, I think it comes back to is if you know, and this again, my ideology, background, my firm foundation is in my Christian faith. I know we've shared that. We've talked about that. I mentioned this podcast will release during the month that we're reading in the Impact Driven Leader Book Club, Paula Faris' book Called Out, and she talks about a lot of faith stuff in there and just kind of trying to weigh through this. Like, "How do I end up where I end up? Do I feel called to this? Do I have the gifts for it?" And I think that's where people get misaligned because they're like, "Oh, I have a passion for X, Y, and Z." But then when it comes down to it, they either don't have the skills, the purposing for it, as you identify in your book or it gets hard and they're like, I don't like it that much. So really, if you go by definition, it isn't a passion. It's just, "Ah, I kind of like it."
[BRIAN]: Yes. And it may be an indicator of direction, but what I've found in helping many, many people, I've gotten to work with venture capitalists who have sold $700 million in companies and don't know what to do with their life. I've worked with former Fox News anchors on the next step in their career and what I've found is that passion is more often than not the worst starting point. It's the worst starting point. That should not be the place that you start to discover your purpose because oftentimes it can be very misleading. I believe more often than not, it's very misleading. And here's something that I think Mike Rowe has very well identified; is that passion doesn't always exist at the start because sometimes when you don't yet have the skills or the maturity and skill set to actually help someone with what you do, you're not going to be very passionate about it. You're probably going to be a little frustrated about it.
It's when that first evidence of fulfillment kicks in and fulfillment is essentially your skills transform the outcomes of another's life. That's where the first inkling of fulfillment will hit you in your life. And until you reach that first time, it's going to be hard to be passionate about something. But what I've noticed is once your skills reach a point whereby you can actually help someone experience some kind of marketplace transformation that fulfillment turns into passion and over time as your skills increase, your passion will exponentially increase and actually pull you to your future.
[TYLER]: I love that. And I think about, your career has taken different paths. My career, as you know, I was a nutritionist for Derek House and here we are talking about leadership and you know, just crazy different things. But yet I look at it and, I would assume, and kind of, each one of those steps along the way, gave me the tools and skills to be able to make me more empathetic and understanding of other people today, that I come in contact with. And I think as a leader, because I mean, this is a leadership podcast, this is what I talk about and I love is our opportunity to help people go through this process, help them perform better for themselves and everyone else. How have you seen that play out in stuff you've done?
[BRIAN]: Well, I think you brought up something really important with what you just said. Over our life we collect different experiences either by choice or not so much by choice. Sometimes our failures and circumstances choose for us in terms of the experience that we have. But here's the thing that I want most people to know, I want everybody to know is that everything in your life, success or failure on the mountain top or in the trough, whatever it is, all of it can be redeemed into your purpose. You can use whatever you've been through, good or bad to help others. I think that's the important, because some people look back on their life and they go, "I have so many regrets. I have this failure. I have this betrayal. I couldn't possibly do X." But the truth is, all the low points and all the high points can be used. Everything can be converted into an asset. And because most people view that only their successes in their life can be used to create more successes in their life but truly it's more like 80% of their failure experiences are actually going to contribute to how they help people.
[TYLER]: Well, it's, as you say that, I think about you either get better or you get better.
[BRIAN]: That's right.
[TYLER]: And who the heck wants to get better? I mean, you could do that for a while and you see people yes, I think you look at that and I look again from a leadership perspective, people that are stuck and they just, you talk about it in your book that go through the do of the do of the do of the do, because they're like, "I'm too old. Well, I don't have this skill. I don't have that skill." And the reality is you can reinvent that at any point you decide to.
[BRIAN]: Yes.
[TYLER]: I mean, if you identify areas that you're skilled or gifted at, as John Maxwell has impressed upon me, you can raise those about two levels. You know if you're an eight at something you can go to 10, if you're a two at something you're going to get to a four. A four is not going to get you anywhere. But that stuff you're you know, seven, eight at, that's world-class. And I think as a leader, when you start to recognize or help people into that discussion, you don't have to have the skillset to do it, but if you open that door to discussion, hey, where do you see the fulfillment? What gives you joy? As you guys go through the framework of understanding how people do that, I think as a leader, that's one of our greatest responsibilities; is to help people through that.
[BRIAN]: It is. It actually, I know that all of us would definitely say, as John says everything rises and falls on leadership. However, even before that is everything rises and falls on purpose because a leader who doesn't know his or her purpose is an insecure leader. And what do insecure leaders do? They micromanage. They push people around. They play office politics. But a leader who does know his or her purpose has an abundance mindset, is a secure leader. And then from that place, they treat their people better with the burden of the responsibility to help their people discover their purpose and then connect it to the overall mission and purpose. That is the responsibility of a leader to make sure, we talked to somebody one time, a really, really, really great leader who said, "I know the people that I lead right now may leave, but I'm going to make sure that I train them for their next job. And I hope it's here, but I'm also okay with it being somewhere else, but I'm going to do my best to make them their best self."
[TYLER]: The way I take that is my choice is to be an incubator, not an incinerator. I want to help people grow and develop and take those skills and go do more. That's great because that means if you've developed that then everyone else with, around us in our company has gotten better. But if I burn you up, if I burn you out, if I tear you down, then you're going to take everyone else with you too. And that's not good. So I would much rather be an incubator and say, "Hey I'm glad when you come. I'm excited when you leave." And you know, there's some people that they need to leave. They're not the right fit. It's, again, that desire to say, "Hey, we all have value. And it's my job as a leader, to help you recognize that value, that purpose that you have, because I think those are so intertwined." If you understand your own personal value and as a leader people have value, help them find that. Dude we're all going to accomplish more. We're all going to succeed. And sometimes the biggest thing to recognize for someone to say, "Hey, this isn't the place for you. How can I help you find that place?" And that's freeing not only for you, but for them as well.
[BRIAN]: What you just said a moment ago, this classic bitter versus better conundrum. I've noticed in study of top performing leaders over a long period of time that they're really fits. There are two groups of leaders and top performers. There are those who achieve on the backs of bitterness. So maybe something happened to them when they were a child and it created a chip on their shoulder and from that chip on their shoulder, they decided I'm going to prove the world wrong about me and I'm going to go achieve. And that works for a short period of time. But what happens is that bitterness produces blind spots and blind spots produce vulnerabilities and eventually they succumb to the vulnerabilities that have produced. But then there's that second category of leader that is the, they chose to be better, but they actually perform on the backs of gratitude.
"I'm grateful for the skills I have. I'm grateful for the people that I help. I'm grateful for the people that I lead." And what's nice about gratefulness is when you're a grateful person, you're a secure person and you recognize that you're not perfect. And so you actually have a better ability to see your blind spots. So you don't create vulnerabilities. And what you notice over long periods of time when you examine top performers in every single industry, and even historically is those who pursued their success on the backs of bitterness, versus those who pursued their success on the backs of gratefulness, the gratefulness people had more longevity in their careers and their impact overall.
[TYLER]: I think about that. I think about people that are driven that way, whether it's sports, whether it's business. And you kind of, sometimes you need that fuel to help, "Hey, I can accomplish," but that has a shelf life. That bitter fuel causes toxicity all around it, and I think that when you are accomplished, I'm going to get better. I think back the tragedy that happened with my brother when he died and I can look back now 20, some years later, and I can appreciate what God has done. And I'm thankful for that experience. I'm thankful for the person it's allowed me to be empathetically and how I've grown through that. I know you've been through tough things and I think that is what brings us to this place to say, "Yes, I choose to be better. I could just let that just fester inside of me, but is that going to help anyone? No." So why do it?
[BRIAN]: And it's true because our results come from our habits and our habits come from our beliefs. And if you live on the backs of bitterness, you're going to have bitterness beliefs towards yourself, towards your circumstances, towards other people. And when you have bitterness in your beliefs, you're going to have bad habits and those bad habits are going to produce bad results. But what's interesting about gratitude, I talk about weaponizing gratitude. A lot of people think of gratitude as, "Hey, thank you so much for helping me with XYZ project," but there's something really important about gratitude. Gratitude is actually the beginning of new beliefs about yourself, about others in the world around you. And new beliefs, positive beliefs based in gratitude, produce new habits and new habits based in gratitude produce new results. So it's really important to actually use gratitude as a weapon in your arsenal, to look at your bitterness, to look at your frustrations, to look at your failures and convert all of those things that you have a bad view of into something that you're thankful for.
Because all the things that we go through, like I could look with so much bitterness on what happened to me as a child at seven years old; childhood sexual trauma at that age, you don't know what's wrong. You don't know that what's happening to you is not your fault. You don't know any of those things. You have no idea how it's going to affect your struggle with your identity and clarity of purpose in your middle school and high school and twenties. You don't know any of those things. So I could have chosen to be bitter. And for a long time, I probably would describe myself as someone who was bitter. But the day I was set free from that was the day that I was able to articulate gratefulness, not for the trauma moment itself, but the perspective that it gave me, because if I can articulate gratitude for the perspective that it gave me, then I have listed all the things that I can help people with. I mean, for me, I know better than anybody else what it's like to struggle with your identity, to struggle with your clarity of purpose, because I've been there in a really raw way. And so it's a lot easier for me to understand and empathize like you were saying, what others are going through.
[TYLER]: Well, I mean, like I can remember and I think I've shared it on some podcasts. If not, I'm sharing it. Now I can remember that exact moment where I was. I was driving my truck, I was bringing my son home from soccer practice and I was at a stop sign and I just had this like thought come over me. It's like, "If I could go back and change what happened to my brother, could I change that event? Would I?" I said, no, because I wouldn't have the appreciation for others that I have now. I wouldn't have the skills, the abilities that I have now. And I know because of what has been shown to me, the impact that that's going to have. And so his life was not in vain because of the impact it is continuing to have, to be able to talk to people, to empathize with people. And I really had to, for me, I shut down, I pushed things way. I just pushed myself forward. That's how I handled things. And I've had to, as I've gotten older, develop empathy, to understand what it is to understand in my mind, it's a spectrum and you can either be an a-hole on one end, or you can be a doormat on the other. And neither one of those are healthy. I've been the a-hole. I've been accused of, and I except. I put my hand up and, "Yes, that is me."
[BRIAN]: All of us could definitely say that, "We've definitely been that guy or girl."
[TYLER]: Well, I mean, but at the same point, I think that on the other end of that, there's a lot of people probably listening or have listened, know the people that they believe their empathetic ways to be the doormat, to be the enabler, to not stand up to people because they just need to allow them to do it because that is helping them. It's like you ain't helping them at all. You're making it worse. But on the other end to be the catalyst to make it all about me. I didn't help anyone. So again, that empathy spectrum, and as I think you wonderfully say that, that point that you know it helps you understand with gratitude that's why I'm here. Because as you said that, yes, that's what I believe. Now is every conversation I have about that, but I can take that and I can, I can use that as my lens in which I see the world to say, "Hey, you know what? We're going through some tough stuff everyday in the world. And there's people going through probably tougher."
[BRIAN]: There, I'll actually tell, I mean, what you're talking about and what I'm talking about in terms of what happened to me is a child, what happened to you as a child, those are our origin stories. Those are the moments in our life that most shaped our perspective. What people don't realize is that's actually in the marketplace for profit, nonprofit, doesn't matter, that's their greatest competitive advantage, literally their greatest competitive advantage. And I can prove it to you because where do transactions in the marketplace come from. Transactions come from trust. Where does trust come from? Trust comes from vulnerability in relationships. So it goes like this, vulnerability, trust, transactions. Without trust, there are no transactions and without vulnerability, there is no trust.
[TYLER]: Can I layer something in on that?
[BRIAN]: Yes.
[TYLER]: Vulnerability, trust, influence. You know, leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less. Yes. So it's, I don't care if you're marketing or you're leading. You have to be vulnerable to develop trust to do the third component.
[BRIAN]: That's right. That's exactly right. And without trust, there is no influence. Without trust there is no transaction. And what people don't, I mean, I was literally working with a financial advisor who was struggling financially, and also just mentally. He was going through what I would call a purpose crisis. And he had lost his dad at a young age, right when he was beginning college, and his dad had saved hundreds of thousands of dollars for his inheritance. And when his father passed away, he and his ex-wife, his first wife actually squandered his dad's inheritance and he had so much shame around that. And what he actually had a really hard time with was being a financial advisor. He felt like kind of a fraud that he was advising people on how to be successful in their finances, but yet he wasn't a wise steward over his finances initially.
And I said, "Doesn't that make you the most qualified? Shouldn't better than anybody else, that you should be a good steward of your finances?" And so he walked me through this story, and then I challenged him. I said, "I want you to share that in key sales appointments. I want you to share that story, your origin story in your sales appointments." He thought I was crazy, but what he realized once he finally did it was he had no idea how much trust was available to him in those sales appointments, if he would be vulnerable enough to share that story and appeal to the emotions, not the logic when it comes to financial management. But it's critical. It's literally a competitive advantage. I know, for example, that in a sales appointment, or even in a room, if you're speaking and you raise your right hand and you hold up a finger and say, "That reminds me of a story," and you take people down that path, you'll have their attention the rest of the entire talk.
[TYLER]: Yes. Well, I mean, it's, we as a society want to empathize. And it's our hurts and our insecurities that create that barrier.
[BRIAN]: That's right.
[TYLER]: We really do. And even some of the classic narcissists really want to be empathetic, but there's so much hurt whether it's from a devaluation. You talk about shame, which is a major piece of manipulation that people hold onto. And it's how to get through shame. Be vulnerable. Just accept it and say, "Hey, I had a guy...," I think I introduced you to Brad, right? Lamek?
[BRIAN]: That's right.
[TYLER]: Yes. So Brad shared this with me. I'm going to share it again, because it's so good. The greatest way to say, "Hey, I have sweaty pits," is throw your arms up in the air and say, "I have sweaty pits. I'm wearing a black shirt, so you can't see it, but it's there." And I think that's why I wear a black shirt. Just to let you know, I wear black because you can't see it. But I think once we get comfortable doing that, and that's something that I've evolved to is like, you know I had a buddy that was talking about the eight-mile strategy. M and M at the end of the movie is this spinal battle and he's like, "You're going to say all these things about me. Let me just say them so you have nothing to say." And it's like, yes, well, what do you say to that? And I think that comes back to this whole conversation of understanding why you got here and that has value for your purpose and how to serve people. And that's where you're going to find fulfillment. And it's not about this "passion," because passion really is painful. It's uncontrolled. I mean I wrote down this thought today; is when we let passion take over, we will lose our ability to influence because when you're not composed and it's kind of you're emotional, you're not going to influence people.
[BRIAN]: I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. He said, "If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins." Let reason hold the right. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins. Nobody needs unbridled passion in their life because it can leave you really directionless and probably directionless before you even realize it, before it's too late by the time that you finally figure that out. And to go back to a very profound and important point that you just said, let's talk about the black t-shirt thing. The reason we're bringing black is exactly for what you just said. It's kind of like the British red coats, right? So when they shoot you, they don't see you as the lead. This is really just for us insecure people that if we have sweaty pits, nobody will know if we wear black. Nobody will know.
[TYLER]: Yes. And so, I mean, to take this on a deeper level, some of those that subscribed to my YouTube channel I have, my wife started making fun of me about this last week. She's like, I don't get you, dude. You used to like to dress nice, you used to whatever. So last year, COVID, on Zoom a lot, I said, "I'm sick of picking stuff out." So I just bought three or four black shirts. I wear black shirts everyday. Because again, I don't have to worry about how does that look going on camera now. It's vain, but it's practical. So I embrace Steve Jobs. It's all good.
[BRIAN]: So it's practical. It's practical then. That's what it is.
[TYLER]: Yes. I mean, yes. I mean, that's why I shaved my head. She's even trying to work on me and she's like, "Well, there's this guy on Instagram and I saw it or TikTok, and one of them grew this hair out on the sides of his head and then they put this like hairpiece on top of it, like a two page." She goes, "No, it's different. And it's like from special effects." I'm like, "No, I have to go through the pain to grow the hair on my sides because I got nothing on top." Vanity? No, I just shaved my head because it's easy. I don't care.
[BRIAN]: That's right. That's right. Yes.
[TYLER]: I have a bigger purpose.
[BRIAN]: That's right.
[TYLER]: Brian, thanks a lot, dude. Thanks for having this conversation. Very little structure there, but I hope you guys all enjoyed it. As I've talked about the book, go get the book. I recommended it to my younger sister. She's 24, 25, 25 and you know, she's kind of in that place, like, "What am I here to do?" And I'm like, "You know what? I have been lucky enough to go through some of this process last couple of years to have a finger on my purpose." I know so many people don't and as leaders, it's our opportunity to help people. I gave it to her. I know she enjoyed it. A lot of other people enjoyed it. Keep doing what you're doing, dude. And I'm glad to call you a friend, and as we have said at times, iron sharpens iron and I'm thankful for people that cause me to want to serve people in a bigger way and thanks for doing what you guys are doing.
[BRIAN]: Yes. Thanks buddy.
[TYLER]: All right. I got some good notes here. Let me go through a few things I mentioned earlier in the intro. You heard it in the conversation with Brian, the three questions. Are there parts to purpose? I want you to think about that. Number two, can it be discovered in a sequence? Third, can it be practically applied to my life and business? See purpose really is about answering the two questions. Who am I and who can I help? One of the other notes that I got here is that purpose is, finding your purpose there's rules to it. Be specific, be honest and take ownership. I think those are great lessons, great factors that I got out of reading the book, listening to this interview with Brian and you know, it's really this desire, this opportunity to create something different when we take, as he said our beliefs and we, we look at that how are those habits that develop those beliefs.
And the same point, those are where results come from. One of the pieces that he shared that just blew me away and I continue to use on almost every conversation is this idea of gratitude as a weapon. It's a new beginning about yourself and the others and the world around you. Just those nuggets that Brian shared, added tremendous value to me. And I hope they certainly did to you too.
Man, if I could have you guys help me out and go to the Impact Driven Leader podcast, look at the show notes, see what links are there. Go buy Brian and Gabrielle's book. I as well would love for you guys to join in the book club as we're reading this book Called Out by Paula Faris all about again, purpose. And that's why I love adding in this additional book from Brian and Gabrielle.
And then lastly, give me a rating and review. Help me help you, help me get better, help me learn and develop as a podcast host and as a curator for some of these great books that I've been able to put into my life and learn and discern from. So thank you for being here today. I hope you are utilizing these conversations to become a better leader. That's my desire. That is my hope for you and the people that you are impacting.
