IDL96 Season 2: Leveling Up with Ryan Leak

Why should you never be afraid to fail? How are you contributing to the environment around you? What’s the leadership secret to the effectiveness of a warm smile?

I know you’re going to get great value out of this episode with author and speaker, Ryan Leak. Together, we’re looking at the power of a smile - and how your body language affects the way you lead. We dip into his book Levelling Up, and he also shares some information about his new course, The Art of Self-Leadership. We also talk about why people struggle to say “I need to grow” - and what they need from their leaders in support of that goal.

Meet Ryan Leak

Ryan Leak is a speaker, author, executive coach, and podcaster from Dallas, TX.

He's known as the ultimate risk taker from two documentaries, one being the Surprise Wedding where he proposed to his wife and married her on the same day after he planned the wedding for two years.

The second documentary is called Chasing Failure that displays his journey of trying out for the Phoenix Suns.

He speaks to over 50,000 people a month and trains upwards of 12,000 leaders a year from C-Suite Executives to professional athletes.

Listen to his Podcast, Followership, and check out his latest book, Leveling Up.

Visit Ryan Leak’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and LinkedIn.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

• Intensity can be a barrier to leadership - 02:40

  Never be afraid to fail - 12:30

  Authenticity creates trust - 19:08

  You can always grow - 28:45

Intensity can be a barrier to leadership

A smile can cut the tension in difficult moments. A broad, genuine, and warm smile brings people closer to you and helps them to trust you, so use them to let people feel safe around you.

If you often bank on your intensity to get the job done, it’s probably likely that people are nervous to approach you or talk with you. Smile more, and mean it, because it helps you become a better leader.

A high level of effective leadership requires a high level of effective communication, and so much of what you communicate is evident through your body language, not just your words.

So, use your smile, use your humane warmth and show people that you have concern and affection for them because it will complement the value of your words, making them sink in more and resonate better.

Never be afraid to fail

You have to be willing to fail if you want to succeed.

If you skirt around failure in pursuit of your goals you fail by default because putting yourself at risk of failure means that you’re really venturing into the unknown and a space of growth.

You can make your way in life and it can look very different from everyone else, and that’s okay! Your success and your path will look different from other peoples’ because if you’re authentic about who you are, it should look different.

Authenticity creates trust

Be authentic in who you are and your values because it is agenda-less.

If you speak and share leadership from a truly authentic place, people will trust you more, because they will see that you are putting yourself out there and they will see that it’s because you care for them.

People can sense if you have an alternative motive about why it is you do what you do, and an agenda that’s hidden is a big turnoff for people looking for a leader.

And remember, that people are your most valuable asset in business. No matter what your product is, you are in the business of people.

You can always grow

If you are being led by someone and they are not adding fuel to your fire – or even their fire to grow – it doesn’t mean that you stop developing on your own.

Even if you are being led, you are still forever your own responsibility and privilege.

There are things that you can and will get wrong, but you should still pursue to attempt. Realize your impact, and be aware of how you can positively influence others because it will show you how impactful you can be when you try.

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

Ryan Leak – Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate Your Personal and Professional Development

Ryan Leak – Chasing Failure: How Falling Short Sets You Up for Success

David Horsager – Trusted Leader: 8 Pillars That Drive Results

Tim Elmore – Habitudes: The Art of Self Leadership

Visit Ryan Leak’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, and LinkedIn.

Email Tyler: tyler@tylerdickerhoof.com

Check out the Practice Of the Practice

www.tylerdickerhoof.com

Visit theimpactdrivenleader.com and sign up for the workshop!

About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast

The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.

Rate, review and subscribe here on Apple Podcasts or subscribe on Stitcher and Spotify.

Even if your leader isn’t trying to grow doesn’t mean that you can’t. I think if you want to grow, you will.

Ryan Leak

Podcast Transcription

[TYLER DICKERHOOF: Welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader Podcast. This is your host, Tyler Dickerhoof. Excited to be here with you. We're wrapping up 2022 almost to our 100th episode. Those episodes are actually released in the next couple weeks, we're actually going to have a compilation of some of the most downloaded episodes of the Impact Driven Leader Podcast. Excited to re-release those and really use them as a spotlight for some of the great value that all the guests have shared in the last couple years. No Less value in this episode. Author, speaker first, just a wonderful dude, Ryan Leak joins me today. We talk all about smiling. Yes, smiling, body language, the effect that that has on those that you lead. We dip into his book Leveling Up, which released on December 6th, just a couple days ago. He also shares a little bit about his brand-new course, the Art of Self-Leadership. Man, I'm excited for you to hear this conversation. Ryan talks about chasing failure. We talk about why, and a lot of people today struggle with saying, "I need to grow up," and what key component they need from their leader to embrace, I can grow and I can get better. Make sure you take some notes. Again, thanks for being here. I'll wrap up at the end and share a few other key things. [TYLER] Ryan, good to see you, man. A smile is just electric. I'm excited to see it. [RYAN LEAK] You know what, it's interesting, whenever I am recording things these days, I'll actually write the word smile in between paragraphs. It's amazing how much of, like, whenever speakers ask me to review something for them, I'll watch it on mute, it ain't even about what's coming out of your mouth to me. It's like, it's amazing what a smile really does for just about anything. So I've just learned to, man, like sometimes things are just really tough. Hey, man, smile. It's amazing how it impacts everything else. [TYLER] We could spend the allotted time that we have just digging that apart, and partly because, so one of my beliefs, and I'll share this is a, one of my beliefs is a barrier in leadership is intensity. A person's intensity is their barrier to be able to lead themselves in others. I had somebody ask me recently, he was like, "Tyler, you're an intense person." I said, "Yes, I know. That's why I know it's a barrier." They're like, "Well, how do you work through that?" I said, "I smile." I realized that a smile diffuses whatever tension there is, because you just relax. Just smile. It's all right. [RYAN] Oh, yes, oh, yes. So I'm with you 100% [TYLER] Why did you write that down? What made you think about that? [RYAN] Man, I think there were times where as a leader you have to give hard truth, you have to have tough conversations. As a speaker, I also have to say tough things, especially to leaders that a lot of times leaders don't want to hear. There's sometimes where I would even watch myself speak and I'm like, you look mad, and I know you're not mad, but you're sharing something that is like, that you're passionate about. Sometimes when you get passionate on your face, you get this like, hmm, and it's like, but I just, man, I think that when you put a smile on your face, it's not a faith thing. It's going, I think what tough love with a smile communicates is I love you enough to tell you the truth. [TYLER] No, that's good. [RYAN] I think that's what, I think there's this, I'm not, this isn't personal, I'm not mad at you. I want you to grow perhaps more than you do. So I think when you're able to say tough things with a smile you're communicating way beyond what you're actually saying. So that's why I think it's important in any communication, because leadership it's going to be very, very difficult to lead without a high level of communication. Most of what we are communicating is with our body. [TYLER] I agree with that completely. I think that's something that we lose sight of and yet, like you just mentioned there, is watching someone and putting on mute and just watching their body, that will tell you everything. Or even if you're so far away, say you're in a position and you can watch somebody, but from afar and you're just watching them and you're like, oh, I know what's going on because their body's telling the whole story. [RYAN] Absolutely, absolutely, a hundred percent. I think if you are, whether you're giving someone correction or tough love, or if you're asking your team to do something that is tough to pull off, to be able to ask and make a request that is beyond the norm with a smile on your face, you'd be surprised how many people will go, I know I don't have to do that, but okay, I'll go the extra mile. [TYLER] It's authentic vulnerability. One of our mutual friends, Brad Lanak, shared with this with me years ago and I hold onto it still every day. At that point he goes the change in the CEO of the past in the CEO the future is the one that stands in front of the room, throws their arms in the air, shows their sweaty pits and say, I don't have all the answers but we can figure it out. Compared to the person who's standing there in their starch suit and shirt and just, everything is tailored in perfect and perfect hair, and they're like, I'm robotic and I have this, I'm like, yes, no one wants to follow that person. [RYAN] Nobody. [TYLER] Nah. To me that, as I think more about this is like, it's pretty hard to be robotic and have a genuine, heartfelt smile. You can fake a smile. You think about all those movies, the fake robots and their smile, it's like, you could tell it's not real. [RYAN] For sure. [TYLER] I think as you talk about that and remind yourself just, just be real, just smile. [RYAN] Yes. I often think too, man, there's a lot to smile about. There's like, I consistently think of things that just make me laugh. I will find people in the audience that I just think, man, it's a very interesting shirt you have there with those. I just, and then I'll just like gravitate towards that part of the room for like the next hour. Every time I go with it, I just smile. I just, I don't know, I look for things that are joyful. [TYLER] So you mentioned this before you have another book coming out, which we're going to talk a little bit about here at some point, Leveling Up. You've written other pieces of work, but you said, no, I'm a speaker. So why is it that you say, no, I'm a speaker, I'm not an author, I'm not this or that, I'm a speaker. [RYAN] I would say I'm a speaker first, not an author first. The difference is there are authors who, like, this is all they do. They eat, sleep, drink, writing, and selling books. That's their world. It's a part of my world, but it's not my world. Does that make sense, like, at the end of the day, my greatest tool to be able to inspire people is with a microphone. Part of that is it is for me, way more difficult to help someone else smile through written words. Then if you give me a microphone, you put me in front of any audience, I will make them smile, guarantee it, with confidence, like in my book, there are stories that I tell that are great stories, but it can't tell the story better than me in person live. That's the craft that I am chiseling and working on every single day. Now, to be able to speak, you have to be a good writer as well, but the art form of writing great books for the long run of I don't see in my career going, oh man, I'm going to have a hundred books that I wrote. Probably not. I have over 500 talks that I've written that easily could be turned into books but it's just like, that's not my forte or my lane. I absolutely love the art of verbal, public communication, to me, like that's the field that I thrive in the most. [TYLER] So as a son of a pastor, you saw obviously that modeled at a very young age. Obviously, that's what pastors do. That's what that field, how did, why did you decide, oh, that's what's, this is what's going to help me serve people? [RYAN] I've had many jobs in my lifetime from, [TYLER] I saw there's a piece there where you had a finish line. [RYAN] Oh yes, finish line, express, that's by verizon --- [TYLER] You've done the whole retail space. [RYAN] I mean, yes, I know the mall very well. I just found that where I could add the most value to people's lives was with the microphone. I've been on executive teams, I've done leadership development do executive coaching now through my company and all of that's wonderful in dandy but I have found that I have gotten the most emails, text messages, phone calls when I have a microphone in my hand by far. So for me, it's like, I think that that is the way that I feel like I can make a difference in the world. Sometimes it's not always a microphone. Sometimes it's even just creating a piece of content on social media that can make that same impact but I can prepare for a post the same way I would prepare for an event. I think the same, hey, what's something that can add value to other people's lives that can encourage them, that can inspire them to be better today? So then I round up the squad and say, hey, let's create some fun stuff today. [TYLER] Yes. To me there had to be a point where, there was someone that modeled that for you or inspired that out of you to realize that oh, they either saw belief that you were able to do it or some way along the line you're like, okay, this is the way for me to really be impactful. [RYAN] Yes. It is, my previous book is called Chasing Failure. That's not a gimmick, that's not a catchy phrase, that is my life. Every day we are trying something brand new that could totally fail. We're just doing it. We're just, what I told a friend yesterday is I said the biggest, he's trying to get his speaking career off the ground, he's trying to figure out social media content and so on and so forth and he's overthought it. I think a lot of people do. I say, hey man, the biggest difference between you and me isn't talent. It's just that I'm willing to fail every day and you're not. I'm willing to post something that doesn't go well. I'm willing to put myself out there. You're not. That's the only difference between you and me. So people would be surprised how much of my career has truly been trial and error. I was speaking at a church, my very first corporate gig. People go, man, when did you make the transition to corporate? Well, I didn't. I was speaking at my church. An executive said, "Hey, that was really powerful. Would you come give that same speech at my job, just don't use the verses?" I said, sure. That's how I made, I didn't fully make the transition because I still have my foot in both. I think both sides, corporate was like, come fully corporate and church is like, no come full, they're both like, at this tug of war. I'm just like, no, I'm just going to serve both because they got people in it with pain and I think I got something to say that can help them. So I did that first corporate event and apparently it went well because they called their friends. I can't tell you how many Fortune 500 company leaders have heard me speak in a church and have said, "Hey, we just did our annual conference and Sunday was better than the convention center. I don't know why we wouldn't have you as a speaker." I'm like, "I don't know why you wouldn't have me as a speaker." It's, my business has grown it honestly in partnership with a lot of great church people, that's where they heard me first. The interesting part about that is, in church, I'm given subjects every week to write about. So I'm creating brand new content every single week no matter what. You have an executive who has not heard me speak once on a subject. They've heard me speak 20 times on multiple subjects. For them they're going, okay, if I heard Ryan speak 20 times, I'm willing to bet they'd say I probably hit 15 home runs on just random subjects. Now that executive is telling their company, "Hey, Ryan's a great speaker." They say, "Well, what does Ryan speak about?" They go, "Ah, well what do we want him to speak about? What are the problems and challenges and pain points we're dealing with?" Then they'll tell me, and I'll say, "Hey, can I write a talk on that for you?" "Well, you're just going to write it?" You're like, "Yes, I mean that's actually what I do." Then I'll write a new corporate talk and then they'll call their friends and go, you got to have Ryan come talk on anger. I'm like, I'm not an anger specialist. I don't do anger management. They're like, it's the best talk I've heard on anger. I'm like, I don't know, yes, I can come do it, but remember you asked me to do that, but now it's a new tool in my arsenal. So now I've got like 30 corporate talks that people can choose from. So, as far as like a model, I'm still figuring it out. Like I would love to convince people that I arrived, but I wake up every day with a shovel and I'm trying to pave the way for some other people because mine, my path has been rather unconventional, everywhere I go, I hear the phrase, that's not how it works. That's not how the industry works. That's not, I'm like, I know, you're right. But I don't know why they keep making exceptions for me. So I've been told, hey, this person won't have you if they know you're a Christian. What am I supposed to do? Lie? [TYLER] It's like, what does that get you? [RYAN] Yes, what am, well, and first off, it's a dumb lie. They got Google. When you Google me, you will find a bunch of sermons as well. So it's like what do you want me to do? Some of the places I was told I would never get to go I keep getting invited back to speak, so I don't know, I just, yes. [TYLER] Here's the, we could, again, I love this part of it. One, I do have notes, I do have like ideas, we haven't got to any of it and to me that's a valuable conversation because of what you've shared. But I think of something there that you tying two things together is we're all people. It doesn't matter if you sit in a church or sit in an office, we're all dealing with the same struggles and issues and whatever else. Number two is, I believe the fact that you're willing to be, this is who I am is actually so refreshing in the world and it makes me think of, I've seen this happen and I want to refer to it because I think it's very connected is the fact that John Maxwell has been invited to sit down with the Saudi royal family. He's been invited to Iran, he's been invited to a lot of these countries. There's no mistake, dude's a Jesus guy first. He is a pastor. That is where everything comes from. Yet because who he is and like authentic in that he's not one thing to one group and one thing to another group, they're like, okay, we understand what you are and we can accept that. Instead of like, when you look at someone and you're like there's someone very popular figure today and I continually look at them and I'm like, I don't know who you are because I hear one thing, but I see something totally different. It makes me uneasy. It makes me personally very uneasy where I'm not sure can I really trust this person with my heart? As we're discussing that from a leadership perspective, man, people struggle that every single day. [RYAN] Yes, absolutely. one of the books that I quote in my book is by a guy named David Horsager. The first line in his book is, the Question Everyone is asking about You is, Can I trust you? [TYLER] Can I trust you? [RYAN] And how authentic you are will determine the level of trust that people have for you. I was getting ready to speak for an insurance agency. One of the questions I always love to ask, like on a pre-event call is who have you had speak before? What's the worst mistake a speaker has ever made? One, I just like the stories and be, I want to make sure I don't do what they did. Then I go, hey, who's the best speaker you've ever had? This one insurance agency, they said, best speaker we've ever had, Doc Rivers. I was like, okay, I mean Doc Rivers is a household name, and then --- [TYLER] I mean, yes. [RYAN] Okay, yes, sure. I said, well, what about him? I know he charismatic and he's pretty good with words, so I'm like, but what made him stand out? They used this word, they said he was agendalist. He was agendalist. Here's the interesting thing about being agendalist. You can't prove it. You can just feel it. That's the superpower every follower has regarding their leader. They can feel when something's off. They can't prove if you're lying. They can't prove if you have an agenda, but they can feel it. That's the hard part about being a leader, is being able to walk into a room and go, hey, here's all the cards on the table. Here's my agenda. I want us to grow and I want you to grow. Can't we do it together? Here's what's to be required of me and you to pull that off. To be able to do that with a pure heart, with high integrity, it's very, very difficult for a leader. [TYLER] I think it, while why that probably struck them so much is that's abnormal in our world. It's almost, well, you can't have success unless you have an agenda and everyone's like what's your angle? What's your agenda? It's like, yes, no, I just want to serve people. I find fulfillment in serving people, so I'm not going to keep score. I'm just going to keep serving people [RYAN] Yes. I think leadership is, I get to speak in almost every industry that exists, finance, I spoke to farmers last week. [TYLER] It's good, now you're talking my, see I grew up on a farm. [RYAN] Yes, so farmers, pharmaceutical, finance, professional athlete. I tell every industry the same thing. It doesn't matter what your product is. We're all in the people business. All of us. You're a leader, you're in the people business. It is the greatest component of leadership, is your people skills in being able to relate to people and to be able to build culture around people. The greatest brands in the world don't have the greatest products. What they've figured out is they have the greatest customer service. They have the greatest people skills. [TYLER] They have the greatest stories. [RYAN] Yes. If you compared Macy's to Nordstrom, does Nordstrom have better hangers? You can get a Nike sweatshirt at Nordstrom, you can get a Nike sweatshirt at Macy's, but why are people going to go to Nordstrom more? Experience, customer service, the feel. How they're going to be treated. They are a household name because of their customer service. I get to travel the world. I get, I've stayed in every hotel you can think of. I've been in the cabin, I've been in the Holiday Inn, Four Seasons, Rich Carlton, Holiday Inn, Motel Six, you name it. At the end of the day, a pillow is a pillow, at the end of the day, sheets are sheets. You're going to sleep in it. Some are more comfortable, but the biggest difference between, let's say nice Marriott Hotel in the rich Carlton isn't that the stuff is nicer. The people are nicer. That's the difference. And that doesn't cost us anything. That's the interesting thing about kindness. It doesn't actually cost more money. I didn't say that people at the Ritz Carlson, it's not like people checking you in are going, hey, can I massage your shoulders? You were having a long day. Hey, take off your shoes. Let me rub your feet. No, they're not doing that. They're just nicer. [TYLER] So there is a tie to this from this to your book, Leveling Up in my mind. There's this tie to where do people feel like my business is so unique and specific that the exceptions of people do not matter. For example, I was doing a event here earlier this week, and there's a gentleman that was sharing, and he was a long-tenured soccer coach, coached 20 some years, very successful and then through Covid pivoted, and now he's in the mortgage title business. He shared that he's struggling because he's like, I don't know how to make that transition because I don't know the industry and I said to him, it's like, no, you don't have to. That's your superpower, is not being stuck in the, this is the way it's always been. I mean, I'll share this with you, the audience knows this, my previous career as a nutritionist for dairy cows, I did that for 13 years. My biggest mistake is I thought the customer was the cows. I was to take care of them and make sure that they were healthy and taken care of. I didn't understand in my ignorance and youth and exuberance that, no, my real customer was however that farmer felt, whatever his employees felt. How did I make them feel? I think that's where, again, I have that perspective how it doesn't matter what industry you're in. Yet I think what happens is when you get into that place, and to use one of your levels, you just start coasting, meaning, oh, this is just our business. This is the way it goes. This is just how we operate and people just, they keep buying our product so they'll just buy it. They're almost, I heard an executive share when I was at an event a couple weeks ago, he works in HVAC and he said, well, we have captured clients, meaning we can do whatever. They're captured. They can't get out of our service, so we'll just charge them and take advantage of them. To me, that's, as you describe in your book, Leveling Up, coasting, I'm just coasting. I'm just going to, eh, coast [RYAN] Yes, I'm on autopilot. [TYLER] So why do you think, I mean, and again, to tie your book and all these different levels, but what perpetuates that mindset? [RYAN] I think we are naturally human beings that follow the herd. So if we say, hey, here's your job, most people go, okay, great. As long as I'm doing my job, I get paid, two plus two equals four. Most people are not waking up thinking to themselves, hmm, but what if I went the extra mile? Could we get six and could we multiply that and oh, what if I woke up and didn't just do my job? But what if I helped somebody else do theirs really well? What if? They don't think beyond the parameters they've been given, which is why most people work nine to five. They need to be told what to do and when it's time to go home. They don't have the ability to really think for themselves outside of that to go, wait a minute, I could take this thing to another level. So that's actually why I wrote this book because I sat with a lot of teams and I sat with a lot of executives who, they wouldn't say this out loud, but it's like they were waiting for somebody else to come and save them. They're waiting for somebody else to come and help them grow. I'm like, well, why don't you help yourself grow here? Here's what I've learned about leadership, every organization I've ever worked with, I would even be curious to even just hear your perspective of the organizations you've worked with and the leaders you've talked to, I know very few people who would say they work for an amazing leader. They would go, my leader is amazing. They just start bragging on and on and on about their leader. I've met very few people who say that, which means most of us, most people on the planet are going to be stuck with average, mediocre, bad to good leaders. But very few people are going to get that 10 out of 10, they're absolutely awesome. So does that mean, I think every single person listening to this has to answer this question. Let's just say you have a mediocre leader, if you have a mediocre leader, does that mean that you have to live with mediocre results for the rest of your life? I don't. Even if your leader isn't trying to grow doesn't mean that you can't. I think if you want to grow, you will and you will put yourself in a position to do so. But if you're waiting for your leader to sign you up for the class or buy the book or do, then yes, you're going to stay where you are. What this book is, it's giving people a permission slip to say, hey, look, let's take this thing to another level. Whether people in the organization, because people love to to blame the leader, they love to blame the organization, they love to blame the environment, well, guess what? You are in the environment. So you play a part of this sad story that you're telling everybody else. You were there. So in that regard, I think you've got to take ownership of your own career and life. That's what this book is all about. [TYLER] There's a lot of thoughts swirling. I would agree to your point that I've had the pleasure to be around a couple people that I would say are pinnacle. But there's a reason why when Jim Collins wrote Good to Great, there's only 11 of the thousands and thousands and thousands of companies that, there's only 11. I think that that happens and yet I think we almost get stuck in the perspective, well, I can't be that. So I'll just keep going. It's this idea of your levels. I can't be a master, so I'll just be where I'm at. I'm just, and the word that I kept thinking, and then you shared it was giving yourself or giving those that you lead permission. I even come back, one of the very first things you opened with and talking about the speaker that you were just chatting with. You said the difference between you and me is I'm willing to fail. I'm willing to throw out stuff there, that didn't work. I think the difference there, and I think even from chasing failure and what you said, and I had the opportunity to watch the documentary and we're going to dig into that because it all ties in here Is when you have permission, man, you'll do anything. There was one moment in documentary, which a lot of footage, 15 minutes short, there's a lot of footage, but there was one moment, one moment that made me come step back and say, oh, what do you think that is? [RYAN] There's a lot of moments there. There's quite a few moments that even made me go phew, what are we doing right now? [TYLER] All right. I'll bail you out. It's when the camera pans to Jeff Horn sec, the then coach of the Phoenix Suns and as you're narrating it, comment about how he and the other players start cheering for you. They were from, again, and tying this all together, in that moment, they were giving you permission to fail, meaning go put in the work, do the effort. We're with you. We're not going to mock you, we're not going to laugh at you. The thought, and the question that I wrote down when I saw that from Jeff, let me pull up my notes here and read it, is the greatest coaches and leaders are always ... To me, I don't think Jeff could help himself from doing what great leaders and coaches do, and that's encourage. He couldn't help himself. If you watch it, he was pretty naturally smile. He's like, yes, go, come on. That permission, that encouragement, that I'm going to speak belief in you is probably the greatest difference. [RYAN] Absolutely, absolutely. I think leaders have to be the chief encourager in their organization, have to be. They have to be. Every leader has to have a high level of self-awareness, which is what chapter two is all about. One of the things that I think a self-aware person has is they're aware of their impact on others. They're aware of how their words and actions impact other people. I think when a leader doesn't understand that, like the power of their words, there are certain people that I know are just like big fans of me and I just know it. I don't use that for my advantage. I use it for theirs. So when I see them, I look them in the eyes and I encourage them. Why? Because I know it means more because they see me as a leader. There's days where I don't see myself as a leader. I'm like, I don't know why you following me dude. Go follow this other guy. But it's like, I know how, I'm aware of how you see me. If I hold that sacred place as a person that inspires you, or even just a person that's just following me on social media, if I take it seriously, I think, man, I understand how my words can impact people that I've yet to even meet. I think that those things are important. But we've all worked for somebody that wasn't aware of how their words and actions impacted us. I don't want to be that leader. [TYLER] One of the pieces that I've read today, my journaling time and different topics actually from Tim Elmore's book, it's about being a mirror and being a window. What I think is interesting here is you talk about words. I think that's the window piece but all of our actions, our body language, how we carry ourselves in other interactions, that's the mirror element. This is one of the things that just hit me and struck me a window you can see through it, it's direct. If I look in a mirror, I see a reflection of me but it's different than what you see. [RYAN] Yes. [TYLER] It's different, because it's mirrored. What I see is like if you look at yourself in a camera, you don't click on the mirrored view. You get this, you're like look and you're like, ooh, that person's ugly. Come on, there's just something's wrong. Because it's not the you that you're used to seeing. I realized that's self-awareness. We can't be self-aware by looking in the mirror. It's just not possible because we're going to see reflection. Those are our intentions. It's the window that others see that are actually, that's the real story. [RYAN] Oh yes. It is going to be very difficult to be self-aware without a good friend, without somebody coming alongside you to go, hey, here's what I can see that you can't. Ironically, the person that's been teaching me the most about self-awareness is my son. [TYLER] It's amazing how they do that. [RYAN] They're starting to see how I am through his eyes. I think the moment for me that really struck me was, we were playing soccer one time and I was sending an email at the same time. He stopped kicking the ball and he walked over to me and closed my laptop. He was four years old at the time. That was a moment for me where I was like, hmm. Thinking about the question that I posed in the book, what's it like to be on the other side of you, man, I thought in that moment, what is it like to be on the other side of me to have a multitasking father? That must be awesome. So I also began to notice that every time I picked him up from school, I was on the phone, because I'm sitting in this carpool lane and call buddy, call the client, whatever, how's it going? But I noticed like four or five days in a row he'd get in and be like, "Hey dad," and I'd go, "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait." Then I just, and so I almost had to have the conversation with myself that he's not old enough to have to be able to articulate what some of his needs are. But I just started thinking like, man, I'm not, I may not be the funnest dad in the world for pickup line. So like 3:05, when I pick up my son, I know it's like I got to be off the phone. Even if it's like, hey, I take a break from 3:05 to 3:15 on our ride home, it matters to him. [TYLER] Totally. [RYAN] That time is sacred. It took me a little bit too long to see that [TYLER] You make the mention. I agree that our kids are a great look into who we are. Sometimes it's a who we are that we don't want to accept but in some ways we have to because usually that who we are is the same with people that we work with. Maybe they don't have the ability to come over and shut your laptop. They don't have the ability to say something that makes you stop and think of like, oh, I'm not doing this. Yet we need that. We need that ability to be real. So often I think it's out of fear. It's out of, but if I don't do this, I can't be the best for you, if I don't do this, then I can't care for you. It's that insecurity that's like, oh, well I have to, we start to make exception for it because the alternative is if we get it wrong, it's a mark against us as a person. [RYAN] Yes. [TYLER] Yet, we're looking and saying, hmm, is that a person I really want to be? Is that a person that I think is going to make a difference? Is that a person that coming back to that authenticness and that willing to be vulnerable to say I probably get this wrong. I accept it, I get it wrong, I'm sitting here saying, I get this wrong. I probably even, I think I got it wrong last night as I was talking to someone, my kids get home from school and yet, it's always a sobering moment in realizing the impact. If you do it long enough, then all of a sudden you lose that integrity. It doesn't matter, you almost have to work twice as hard once you start working on yourself to cover all that up but even working twice as hard shows the dedication and people are like, oh, he really does care. It really does matter. [RYAN] Yep. And I think the word you just use there is like, is one I try to teach and live as best as I possibly can. I think leadership is complicated and at the same time, I think leadership is simple. I think there are some very complicated decisions that leaders have to make, but in terms of getting your people on board, it really comes down to caring, like how well you can care will take you further than I believe even vision casting. Then it's like, oh, let me just, I've got this really great vision you're just going to love. But it's like, man, when the chips are down and your people truly believe that you care. Man, dude, they'll run through a wall for you, but I think they can do more for a team than money or promotions ever could. [TYLER] I want to make sure I give you enough time. Here's been fun conversation, great, like go down these little rabbit holes. I love about this stuff. Stuff that we're not getting out of your books. Your books are great. Don't get me wrong but I want to give the opportunity here to say, why are you most excited about writing Leveling Up and the impact that you foresee having on people? [RYAN] Man, I think that the biggest thing I'm excited about with this book is seeing people take ownership of their life, is seeing people get that light bulb to in the book I talk about the different levels that we can live at. Most people live at a level where either they're stuck or they're just coasting. They're going through the motions. They have a job they tolerate, they have relationships that are mediocre. Some of the most wealthiest people I know in the world don't have five friends. They don't have five true friends that they could call and go, man, my marriage sucks. They don't have that. So this book, I believe is going to help people move from a place of coasting to a place of developing, thriving. The highest level is mastery and that's where things are going so well in your life, you're helping other people do the same. So I'm excited to see people take ownership of their own path and stop blaming or giving that responsibility to somebody else. I have worked for some good leaders, some mediocre leaders, some bad leaders, but they're not in charge of my career path. They're not in control of my daily habits. They're not in control of my attitude and what I bring to the job. I have seen people with great attitudes at jobs most people tolerate. I've seen c-suite executives who have the most coveted office in the skyscraper who are just always in a bad mood yet everybody wants their job. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. It's ironic. I know people who are complaining that they're not having a higher position at a job where they don't even like the people there. So why do you want to be in charge of all these people you hate? Doesn't even make any sense. So this book pulls people back to go, well man, what is my definition of success? Where am I going with my life, and it's giving people back the keys a little bit to say if there's something I want to do with my life, I can, that's what I'm excited about. I'm excited to see people go, man, maybe you get your dream job. Congrats. You probably won't. Let's just be honest. There's just too many of us. You probably won't have your dream job, but that doesn't mean that you can't grow. That doesn't mean you can't develop. That doesn't mean you can't treat people like they're a million bucks. Doesn't mean you can't serve people. It doesn't mean you can't add value to people's life. It doesn't mean that you can't grow in your skillsets. It doesn't mean you can't work on your craft. So there is a growing, obviously with the great resignation, there's this whole idea of like, I'm just going to go to greener grass? That ain't this book. This book is, how about you take care of the grass you got? It ain't even that greener on the other side. You laugh, they offered, I can't tell you the amount of team members and executives I've talked to who jumped ship and were made all of these promises and now they're over there and they're like --- [TYLER] Oh, this sucks [RYAN] Man, I make more but man, I guess I didn't think that they would ask me to work more. They said I could work from home but then that season ended and now, yes, I can work from home, but I got to work 20 more hours than I was, you just thought they were just going to do that for free? I was like you thought there were no strings attached because it was, again, it was greener grass. So this book is more like, nah, water, the grass you got on your side of the fence. Give your best of that. Make it green. Show up and be awesome where you are because you can be like, that new job ain't going to make you a better person. That new job ain't going to make you a better leader. Do what you need to do now to prepare for something else in the future. That's what I'm excited about. [TYLER] I love that. It's the one developing the self-leadership, which I think is the first step. You can't lead yourself, dude, you can't lead anyone else. I believe you know that this idea, the wonder that I have and dissect this a little bit, maybe take a minute or two, is the pursuit of going up the levels, and as you have them described, you go from just the listeners here at the aimless to stuck to coasting, developing thriving mastery, I'm wondering where people get stuck the most or where they come back and actually stepping back is what's going to propel them forward. Because we talked about that night. I think about you just talked about that person, they left one job, they said, oh, I got to have a better leader somewhere else. 82% of people left during the pandemic, had that thought and then they get there and realize, oh, it's the same muddy mess that I was in before, if not worse. They went from maybe they were unstuck to coasting and now they're like, oh, I'm stuck. I'm stuck here. How does that, going through all of that? [RYAN] I think, I'm an entrepreneur, so my way of thinking, I think like an owner. I have to be self-led. I have to. We got to go because if I don't go, we won't go at all, does that make sense? So I think it's a fine dance working for somebody because you are trusting them or trying to, with your job, your livelihood. So you're putting your, like, it's a very vulnerable position to be in. So it's hard to create those boundaries. It's hard to, but I do sense a little bit of an entitlement in society right now of the mindset that a lot that I see a lot is, this is what y'all owe me. This is what I deserve more than I see, hey, here's the value I'm trying to add to my organization. Here's what I want to, I want to go above and beyond for this place. It's more of a let's stick it to the man, like more of a, well, where's my bonus and what's in it for me and then people are shocked when they aren't promoted. It's like, no, you help enough people in your organization climb the ladder. Who do you think they're going to say, man, we want to work. We want him on our team. We want her on our team. Why? Because you help other people like that. We all want to work for those people. We just don't always want to be those people. I encourage people to go, hey, be that employee that you want to work next to. So go above and beyond for people. We all want whoever we're working with to go above and beyond. This book is going, you go and do that and then people will have those stories to tell about you. [TYLER] One last thing, so we talk a lot about self-leadership. You shared with me that you're going to release a course Yes about self-leadership. You want to talk about that real quick? [RYAN] Yes, man, it was so fun. It's my very first course. It's called the Art of Self Leadership. Essentially, I ran out of capacity to coach executives and being a speaker first and speaking to all of these audiences, we constantly have this like, influx of like people wanting coaching. So we have a roster of coaches that we utilize to help our clients and whatnot. Then I thought, man, what if I could sit across the table from somebody on demand that maybe can't afford my coaching prices, or probably could never afford to bring me in to speak or whatever? So we created this course that we just said, let's, let's take people through some six components that we think if a person is really mastering these six components, like man, we feel like they'd be in a place where they're leading themselves pretty well. The first module's all about self-awareness and just locking in on what that really, really, really looks like and then we go through relationships, we go through scheduling, man, some of the most successful people I've met in the world, man, they're not just meticulous about their money, they're meticulous about their time. In our executive coaching practice, one of the first things we do is a calendar audit. So if you're sitting across from me, I'm going to say, hey, what'd you do this week? Oh, I just, no, no, no, I want to see it. What'd you do this week? What did you like actually do? What'd you do this month? Your calendar's going to tell me everything I need to know about where you're going. If it's not on your calendar, you ain't go win. That's what we take people through and it's fun. All of that can be found at ryanleak.com. [TYLER] Sweet. When this airs, Leveling Up just released the same point, the opportunity to check out the art of self-leadership. Ryan, thanks so much, man. I appreciate this. It's been fun to spend a little bit of time with you, get to know you, appreciate it, man. [RYAN] All right, appreciate it, man. [TYLER] Two big things that I took away from that conversation with Ryan is not only talking about permission, this idea of you need permission, whether it's yourself, whether you get that externally to uplevel, to level up, to grow. I mean that's a big facet of the Impact Driven Leadership program, whether it's the round table, whether it's the book club, all of those things. We just got done a couple weeks ago with our first Impact Driven Leader workshop, the Awaken the Leader within Workshop. Don't worry if you missed that. There will be an opportunity to have another one soon. Go to theimpactdrivenleader.com to make sure you reserve notification. I'll send out notification well before that, those dates of that event, when that gets locked in, hopefully in the next couple weeks, that will get locked in. It may be already, the airing of this episode, those days locked in. Go to theimpactdrivenleader.com for a free workshop where I really break down, in essence the elements where I feel we need to give ourselves permission, permission to up-level, permission to get better permission to build our self-awareness, because I believe those are attributes that every leader needs to engage in thinking about how could we be a agendalist. Ryan shared it, Doc Rivers as a speaker, he came in and he was agendalist. I think that genuine vulnerability and as Ryan displayed, here's my agenda, I want to serve people here's my agenda. This is where I think we can go and I want you to be in it and with it, and not just about what am I going to gain. That was one of the absolute big areas that I had to identify and transform in my life is when people viewed it being all about me. I had to come to grips with that. I had to quickly go a different direction, say it's not about me. It is about how I can serve and help others accomplish more. That's in my heart. As well, I appreciate you guys. As we're wrapping up 2022, guests like Ryan would not be possible if it wasn't listeners like you. I'm so grateful and thankful that you choose to download and share and subscribe and just allow me to have these tremendous conversations and bring value to you. As well, thank you for being a listener. I'd love it if you give me a review, a rating, subscribe, share it with others, watch on YouTube, subscribe to the YouTube channel where you can also catch the live that I do, the live segment, my coffee chat that I hold on Monday through Friday. You can catch that on YouTube or LinkedIn, also on Facebook. Glad to be able to share those thoughts, those elements that I'm digging through, chewing through and learning from. Thanks for being here. I'll catch you next time.