IDL104 Season 3: Step Up To Leadership with Arkevious Armstrong

Where do you receive the source of your inspiration? What is the secret to transforming problems into solutions? How can you utilize the power of your words?

Today I’m so excited to share my conversation with Arkevious Armstrong. We just met each other a week before recording - and he has an incredible story. At a young age, Arkevious found himself incarcerated; and during this period, he decided to change his life and philosophy. Now, he leads through Step Up To Leadership, and in our conversation, he explains his journey, and where he feels the problems of our world lie.

Meet Arkevious Armstrong

Arkevious Armstrong was born in Gastonia, North Carolina.  His life experiences, from foster care, detention centers, being a high school dropout with many run-ins with the law, eventually landed him in prison on two separate occasions. 

While incarcerated he earned his GED and completed many educational programs. This allowed him to gain an earnest passion for empowering and motivating individuals about the importance of education.  Since being released in 2006, Arkevious has devoted his time to mentoring, community outreach and eventually starting his own program “Step Up To Leadership” a mentoring program for boys. With his passion for education Arkevious wanted to further his learning and earned an Associate Degree in Business Management from Strayer University.

In addition to the above, Arkevious has begun a new venture which is a clothing line.  Arkinspire/Inspire Apparel for men, women and children.

Visit Ark Inspire and connect on Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn. Find out more about his book, Confidence from Within: 60-Day Challenge.

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

• Why effective leadership is integral to community change - 08:09

• Do you lead yourself? -11:20

• Your source of inspiration - 22:30

• Turn obstacles into opportunities - 26:26

• Use the power of your words - 32:50

• Embrace the pain of growth - 46:25

Why effective leadership is integral to community change

Effective leadership sets a powerful example for those around them.

When that leadership is based on proper principles, values, and compassion, it can have a ripple effect by creating powerful impacts within the community it serves.

An effective leader gets their hands dirty right alongside the people that they serve. They are present and available and proactive in helping the people around them.

Do you lead yourself?

Things start from within. You need to focus on yourself first if you truly want to help those around you because that’s the only way that you can be selfless and true in your actions.

Provide yourself with grace, compassion, and guidance in the same ways that you provide them to others.

You also need you. You also need to be taken care of too, and it takes a true leader to know that and to invest in themselves.

Invest in your peace, mental health, and physical and emotional wellness alongside developing your skills as a leader. It will make you stronger, more trusted, and more genuine.

Your source of inspiration

What fuels you? What or who sparked something within you that knows you are destined for more? Or that you are strong enough to pursue what you desire?

When you do not have that source outside of you to spark that knowing in you, sometimes you have to look at who you are, and let who you know you can be, turn into your inspiration.

Turn obstacles into opportunities

One of the greatest skills that you can develop is the ability to take a difficult situation and find goodness in it. What can you learn? How can you make this work for you?

Be proactive in sorting out your life.

Any obstacle can be made into an opportunity for further growth, development, or understanding.

You have to develop your mind and your grit to spot those things, focus on them, and bring them into reality.

Get past the discomfort of change – and the comfort of staying the same – to seek that growth.

Use the power of your words

You can read, listen, and have conversations with everybody in the world using the most powerful and impact words, but they mean nothing if you do not use them – or believe in them – when you say them to yourself.

The words that you use can make or break your situation because you use them to orientate yourself to the world around you. So, orientate yourself well.

Embrace the pain of growth

If you want growth, you need to get past your comfort. You may be experiencing the pain of staying where you are currently at, or you can experience the pain of growing past it.

Either way, there is a level of discomfort, but remember that you are the one that gets to decide which direction your life goes in.

Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:

BOOK | Arkevious Armstrong – Confidence from Within: 60-Day Challenge

Visit Ark Inspire and connect on Facebook, YouTube, and LinkedIn.

Sign up for the roundtable at: hello@theimpactdrivenleader.com

Check out the Practice Of the Practice

www.tylerdickerhoof.com

Visit theimpactdrivenleader.com and sign up for the workshop!

About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast

The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.

Rate, review and subscribe here on Apple Podcasts or subscribe on Stitcher and Spotify.

Leadership is the pathway simply because it’s guidance, it’s a blueprint.

Arkevious Armstrong

Podcast Transcription

[TYLER DICKERHOOF] Hey there. Welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader podcast. This your host, Tyler Dickerhoof. If you're listening wherever you listen to podcasts, man, glad you're listening in. If you're a subscriber, great. If not, hit that subscribe button, add this to your library. Or if you're watching on YouTube where I post all the videos as well, great to see you. Make sure you subscribe to YouTube as well as there's a lot of other material. My thought of the day, coffee chat, things that I share, go live Monday through Friday on Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, all those things. You can catch me. But today, I'm excited to share this episode, share my conversation with Arkevious Armstrong. Arkevious and I just met each other last week. We were both speaking at a friend's event, connected, has an amazing story. He has a story where being incarcerated, starting when he was charged with attempted murder, which he said he committed when he was 13, ended up having another charge when he was 19, spent a long time incarcerated, but was transformed. It was through that transformation that he serves today through his organization, Step Up To Leadership. Man, talking about leadership, we have a tremendous conversation where he shares where the journey started and really pokes, I don't want to say pokes points to where a large part of our world is broken. It's something that you and I experience to every day, even though maybe we don't live in an urban environment or a drug-infested environment where there's shootings going on every day. But this is what we talk about, is it's when that becomes normal root of survival, it's hard to comprehend that it's different. There's a value to learn out of this. I'll share it at the end. I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Arkevious Armstrong. [TYLER] All right, so you were telling me about, you're starting into the foster system. You were six and there were six of you siblings altogether? [ARKEVIOUS ARMSTRONG] It was six. I'm the baby boy out of six. [TYLER] What's the spread between the oldest and you? [ARKEVIOUS] About 10 or 11 years old. [TYLER] So your oldest was like 16? [ARKEVIOUS] 15, 16 years old before I was born. [TYLER] Almost old enough to like, I might want to do this on my own. [ARKEVIOUS] Yes. And I think for the more, when you like, the more, the fact that you look at that, if I was forced to grow up fast, he was as well. But we all grew up apart. [TYLER] So you all ended up getting to split different homes, you didn't get to go to --- [ARKEVIOUS] It was, yeah, we all grew up in separate households, and we all have the same mom, but my mom had a real, a struggling issue with her drug addiction. So I used to always growing up, I didn't understand it, Tyler. I questioned a lot of things and the things that I questioned the most was, why do I have to go through this? I was old enough to understand that it wasn't right and I was old enough to understand that I don't like it. [TYLER] Which part wasn't right, the fact that you got separated or that you were even in that position? [ARKEVIOUS] Both. The separation is one of the things that, when my mom had us, had a struggling issue with her drug addiction, social service came in and took her kids, and everyone was able to go to a relative, but no one came and got me. So I remember being left in a room and no one came and grabbed me that night and I ended up going to a family which was a Caucasian family and I remember just being isolated. I felt abandoned. I felt lost. I felt like, it was just so much emotions but there was like, I was in two foster home because once I found placement, they had to put me into another because that foster, the first foster, foster parent was like an emergency foster parent. [TYLER] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ARKEVIOUS] Almost like we'll hold you here until we find you another. That's what that situation, but we all grew up separated. We was close, but separated and so the things that I feel like that would, that made me grow up so fast is that I was put in situations and circumstances to make me focus on more survival instinct instead of learning. Like education wasn't a priority in my household. I end up going back to school, getting my high school diploma, the first one in my family, and the first one in my family to go back and get a college degree. But it was one of the things that we wasn't taught, we wasn't shown how to live in certain situations that can better us as far as like, as a family as a whole, because of the situations from violence, drugs, and addictions that we saw every single day, Tyler. The thing that got me the most, at 12, I started using drugs like, strung out on drugs, bad, Tyler, like marijuana. Started drinking alcohol at 12 and 13 years old. I was doing cocaine and marijuana at 13 years old. I just started taking the turn for the worst. When you look at it, but I started being the example that my brothers taught me. My brothers showed me this, they taught me this. So I'm selling drugs and smoking weed, doing everything. [TYLER] So had they, is that what they were doing? They were got into the drug scene or whatever to survive as well and then they brought you in? [ARKEVIOUS] Yes. I was just, I was amazed by the lifestyle, the lifestyle that I saw every single day. I mean, it's almost like the movies, when you be looking at the movies and you see the drugs and the infestation of violence and all of that, the struggle, that was my life. I think one of the biggest things that when you look at who I am today I am an example of perseverance, hope, the example of not giving up and fighting through, writing books, traveling the world, just doing all the things that I wasn't exposed to. So giving our young men, because we have an organization now, giving young men the blueprint, the platform, and showing them how, regardless of where you come from, the mistakes and what you was taught, here's another way. So it's been a hell of a, I want to say a hell of a journey. I'm going to be straight up. It's been a hell of a journey, but it's worth it. It's all worth it, man. It's so, like we was talking about earlier I was just, I was forced to grow up fast. You talking about the struggle where not having food, lights, running hot water. My everyday life was about survival so I had to jump off the porch and survive on my own. [TYLER] So let's jump, we'll come back to some of this because I know there's a lot to come back to, but I want to jump to what you're doing now, and our conspire in just this step up to leadership, all the stuff you're doing now. For the audience, you and I are going to be speaking together here in a couple days from the recording time with our good friend John Eids, it's how we got connected. I'm excited to hear more from you. What I love about this, and just this whole concept of the Impact Driven Leader, of the podcast I do is about leadership. I want to hear from you because to me, it's going to create a backwards web to why is the impact that you can make today as you talk about, reaching out to kids, talking to kids wherever, sharing your experiences, why is leadership the pathway? [ARKEVIOUS] Got you. I feel like leadership is the pathway simply because it's a guidance, it's a blueprint. I feel like it's, again, like John event, it's a catalyst of to how to build character, how to build structure on principles but also how to be an example. When you look at leadership, you look at somebody who leads and not just direct and starting an organization called Step Up To Leadership is stepping up to the forefront and carving out a platform and paving way for other people to follow. I feel like the best example to do and to be that in leadership based off example. I mean, based off experience. The things that we've learned, the things that we overcome, the things that we experience, we use those things to help other people, to help other people grow, to help other people to overcome, to help other people become better individuals. That's leadership to me. I have an example in my head when I see a leader. It's a pack of wolves, and the leader never leads the pack. He's always in the back. He's making sure that everything, he sees everything. He's making sure everybody's in order, everybody's going in the direction they need. That's like mentorship. We all need mentorship. We all need good leadership. I'm a very strong man of God and my faith is so strong and concreted. When you look at leadership, that's what, to me, Jesus, He displayed by his actions, the way he carried himself, the way he walked, the way he served people, the way he helped people, the way he always put himself in a position that if people needed him or whatever the case may be, he was there. So leadership is so important, not only in the communities and church, in the households, just in society, period. [TYLER] There's something that I think when you say that, this, to be an example really drives, if I'm going to be example for others, if I spot that, oh, this is a way to impact people, man, I got to do it first. I heard that as much from you and maybe this wasn't a piece of it, but it sounds like it's like, I'm going to talk about this because I've been able to, through the process, transform and I know if I were to go back, I got to keep myself accountable here. How I can keep myself accountable is by helping other people go through that same process. That's what I heard. [ARKEVIOUS] Absolutely, absolutely. [TYLER] Where do you think, and if you look back or the challenges you have talking to people, where does that become a struggle? [ARKEVIOUS] When you saying we're, say that, give it, break that down for me. [TYLER] The idea of, we're calling people to step up in leadership. We're calling people to engage and be better, be that example for others to follow. To me, the hardest person to lead is yourself. Where do we fail in leading ourselves? I believe there's one area, but I'd love to hear it from you. It's like, we don't give ourselves grace. We have these insecurities, we have different factors that are barriers around us, but we don't give ourselves grace through that thinking. If I'm not perfect, then I can't be that example. [ARKEVIOUS] Well, listen, you asked the question and you answered it, man because that was what I was going to say. [TYLER] Well, I mean, trying to give you some framework, but I need your experiences there. Like, where is that shown true? Or say, yeah, dude, it's been hard, but this is what happened and why it was even more meaningful. [ARKEVIOUS] Man, you hit the nail dead on the head, is that giving our self-grace. But I always share with people, making sure that you're right, you're together, that you're your whole and complete, and it's hard to lead when you're not yourself or where you need to be. As influencer, I take a lot of breaks. Sometimes I have to disconnect because I can't help other people if I'm wounded. I can't help other people if I'm not my best self? It goes to my whole power point of it's okay to be selfish. What I mean by that is like, we've always looked at selfish as a negative thing. No, it's okay. You have to put your peace, your mental health, your happiness, you got to put yourself first. If I'm going to be the best husband, father, leader, I got to be like, I cannot lead if I'm not right. But I think we put ourselves in positions through this social media world and this society through the lenses is that they, we see who we see from that screen but once we hit stop and we close our phones off, we shut our phones off, we close our computers, the real, the realistic thing about life is what's going on in your household. The relationships you have with your significant other, the relationship you have with your kids, are you happy, are you complete? What is your real life like? We don't get to see that. We get to see the nice cars, the nice clothes, but it goes back, it's just like, it's a challenge. I think with me, I really show that. Maybe a few years ago, maybe 2016, I was traveling around the world speaking and going through a divorce at the same time. No one knew it. I lost my home. I lost a job, but I'm traveling, I'm speaking, and here it is, my world is crumbling. So when you look at it as well, at the time of didn't have a relationship with my mom, couldn't stand her, couldn't be in her present, and I was going through all of this, but yet standing so firm and strong, trying to help other people not even realize like, you are trying to help other people heal, and you're neglecting yourself. So I use all of the things that I go through. I use all the things I've been through to help other people and let them know, listen, I'm still human, but I can teach you from my mistakes. I can show you from the things that I went through that can help you. So you, because here's the thing, what you go through, somebody else might go through it, but it might destroy them. It might take them down through a dark path. So it's like giving people lessons and teachings through your own mistakes. But I love the fact that you say giving yourself grace, that it's okay to go through some things. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be like, it's okay not to be but you're going to get through this. [TYLER] Yeah. [ARKEVIOUS] If you got through what you got through last time, you'll get through this too. It didn't kill you last time. You're going to get through this. [TYLER] Totally. Let's do this, I'd love for you to share, so that's what you're doing now. That's what you're going through, but how did you get there? Obviously, you talked earlier about being thrust into the foster care system, going through that tumultuous thing, yet having contact with your family. Just share with us a few of the moments that really I guess directed your life, and then ultimately what came of that. [ARKEVIOUS] I mean my father, God rest his soul, he passed away in 2002. He committed suicide in 2002. I was incarcerated. But I grew up in a, I was birthed from the type of, let me say this, my parents was hurting and gave birth to a child in the midst of their traumas. My father didn't have a relationship with his father, nor did he have a relationship with his mom. My mom didn't have a relationship with her father and didn't have a relationship with her mom. Here it's my father and my mom, who are both drug addicts at the time, gave birth to a kid into a world under these circumstances and conditions. So, growing up it was good and bad, but I remember more so the bad things than I do remember the good things. As a kid, I remember everything. I remember all of the physical abuse my father caused to me far as physically beating me. I remember the molestations that happened to me four times before I was 11 years old and it was because of both parents had drug addictions. I was put in places that I should never been here. I remember a lot of the bullying, that people made fun of me because they knew of my situations. I remember the insecurities that I was, didn't want to go to school because I afraid people was going to pick at me because I'm wearing the same clothes twice. I remember not having food. I remember everything. I remember everything and for years, I was ashamed. For years, I was torn. So I used to store this pain, hurt, Tyler, and I was stored in places that caused me to have no compassion, no remorse, and no feelings for other people. So the only way I knew how to get this out of me is to call cause and hurt to other people. So I did, I caused, like, at 13 years old, I was facing 24 years to life for attempted murder charge that I committed and they was wanting to send me to adult court, but they kept me as a juvenile, Tyler. I ended up doing four years in a facility that was conjunction with juveniles and adults. I came home, I was placed back in the same environment, around the same people, no resources, no structure, no help. We all know if you put a person back in the same environment with no guidance, you already know the direction that that young kid is going to go. I actually went that way. I end up being 10 times worse than I was the first time. So, strung out on pills, strung out on drugs, committing crimes and by the age of 19, I was right back. I was facing 35 years to life for attempted murder charge that I committed again. I shot somebody in point blank range in broad daylight and those type of things was the norm. It wasn't abnormal to see shootings, violence, drugs. It wasn't abnormal to see police kicking in doors and hauling people out of their houses and hearing people scream. It was normal. It was my everyday life. The fact that I became so used to it desensitized those things that I experienced as a kid. Those traumatic experiences became so numbing to me that it didn't because any pain. I didn't even realize the pains that I was causing to other people. So, facing 35 years to life, I ended up signing 10 years and while I was in prison, I decided to give my life to Christ. I didn't grow up in church, my grandmother didn't raise me in church, my mom didn't raise me in church, so this was the first time in my life that I walked into a church in prison, and I gave my life to Christ not knowing what the outcome is going to be. I got to try something different. This was a different experience for me. When I came home, I vowed that I would never go back. I vowed that I'll continue to live my life for God and never ever returned back to the streets. Ever since then, me giving my life to Christ, I turned around and became a different creation. What I didn't understand then is that everything that I was going through, that I've been through, it had a purpose. I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know the things that I was experiencing later on, years later will put me in places that can help other people overcome because I can identify the trauma, but now I can be the example of those young men, of what you can become if you choose a different route, like with me turning my life around. [TYLER] Who was that example for you or who, I'm wondering, you said you didn't grow up with a background of faith or even that understanding, and yet here you're incarcerated, and through that process, someone somehow makes an impact on your life. I'm looking at what you're doing now and it was enough of an impact that you're like, I got to do this too for others. [ARKEVIOUS] Believe it or not, a lot of people asked me that and I didn't have that example of who to look at too, for inspiration. My whole entire life was just negative. It was just violence. So we didn't grow up in a household where we had people going to college. I have one uncle who went to college, one uncle in my whole entire family went to college. The fact that I didn't have someone to look at for inspiration, I guess I had to look within myself for the inspiration and I think that's what it was. I had to look in the mirror and say, I have to do this for you. This is the life that you got to commit to. You've already seen what the life you come out of and what it gave you. This new life, this new direction, this new path, it has to be something that I have to want for myself. So I really was looking within myself for inspiration and I just, again, that relationship I had with God, with Jesus man, is like, gave me everything that I ever needed. Even on the path that I'm on now, the thing that I tell people, I did not choose this, it chose me. When I say that, I say that mainly because I literally never said I want to be a author. I never said I wanted to be a speaker. I never said I wanted to be who I am today. I was waking out of my sleep with a vision, and it scared the living crap out of me because it was almost like an inner body experience and it scared me to the point to where I got up and I just started writing everything that I saw in a dream and God just continued to give me visions and giving me signs. I knew this is a light that God gave me. So it's just, it's a wonderful thing to, when you allow God to enter in and allow him to work, he will lead the way. He will open up the doors, he will make the unqualified qualified, the unskilled skilled. People ask that all the time, I be on stages with some of the greatest ones you can think of, or in a, maybe not on the same stage, but in that circle and people like, you're so powerful. How did you, I'm like, Listen, I never attended anybody's seminar. I never attended anybody webinar, nothing. I don't even follow speakers. I don't follow no speakers. This is God's doing. This is God's doing, Tyler. [TYLER] Well, I think there's also a part of that, and you mentioned this earlier, the experiences you had. If you were surviving, and one of things that I've learned, and you read this from ancient texts that when you get into a survival situation, like you're going for food and something more comes out of you, you're willing to be way more resourceful. I think that's what I hear from you, but it's also what I gather is all that that you put together and facilitated, got used to doing this is what I need to do, just get through life, that conditioned you to do what you're doing now, but for a totally different reason, totally different purpose. It's not whatever else. It's not crime. It is how can I serve and how can I help and how can I lead? Those are the same gifts. It's just used for positive and for positive impact rather than just survival. [ARKEVIOUS] Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. I totally agree with you on that one too, because we may not understand it then but as you look back, man, like, okay, I get it now. Everything that I build my nonprofit on, it's about social development, things that I struggle with, and identifying those things, what I struggle with. But how did I overcome it? When you look at my books that I wrote, my self-help books, my self-development books is things that I struggle with and how did I overcome it. So it's like you taught yourself through your struggle. [TYLER] Yep. [ARKEVIOUS] Man, I think that's good right there. I taught myself doing my struggle on how to learn from it. I think that's one of the biggest things that when you look at people today is that they look at the problem and not a solution. That's the one of the things that I look at. Every problem is not a problem. It's a learning experience, it's a learning curve for me and if I can take back anything, I wouldn't. If I could say anything that I've learned from my past, absolutely. From my childhood, from my divorce, from my, like everything that I went through, I learned something, doing everything. I think what I can take away is how can I use that to help? Like there's some pains that I experienced, and there's some somebody out there that's going through it that can learn from what I went through. So how can I teach it? How can I expose it? Here's the thing, not too many people like to expose themselves. [TYLER] We want to stay guarded. We want to keep the armor on because it's way, it's more comfortable. It's not safer, but it's more comfortable. [ARKEVIOUS] Come on, come on. I think that's the thing that when you look at it is that, are we okay with being content? Or are we truly saying we're living, again, not everybody is God fearing walking in their faith, but are you saying that I'm okay with staying this way, or God continue to use me. Like everything that I really go through, I really want God to use me in it. Use me, find a reason, find a way to help. And I think, here's the thing, what helps me be more relatable to a society that's going through some things, is that people really tune in with me to be inspired. But they realized, dude, you're human and you're not afraid to be transparent and to expose and open up yourself to allow people to see, listen, you're going to make mistakes. Life is going to throw some blows at you. Life is going to listen. Life will body-slam you. I don't care who you are, how successful you are, life is going to do what it is intended to do and that's not allow you to be who God called you to be. That's what, just because you think that you serving God and you worshiping God, and you have faith in God, listen, let me tell you something, it's not an easy walk. We struggle with the flesh every single day and we can look at our bank accounts and say, man, I have faith and trust God is going to make a way. But we also see that our account is declining. Like, man, me and the wife, we ain't seeing eye to eye and I trust and believe God, that you going to provide for us the structure and the safety that we need to make sure that we cultivate some healthy habits. But we can't deny that these intense conversations me and a spouse having, listen, I'm tired of it. We can't continue sheltering and trying to protect and guard that. Like, no man. There's some people who need to see that. Man, listen, I listen to you every day, Tyler, I love your messages, but Tyler, like, just to see how transparent you are about your own personal struggles, it really gives me hope. I think that's what we come, go ahead. [TYLER] To me, that's being genuine and authentic. If we circle this back to leadership, to me, and listeners have heard this, and I hear this from you, the person that's authentic and genuine, people will follow it. It's the person that is fake, the person that's sitting there with all their accolades or cars or, and I shouldn't say cars, shouldn't say possessions or whatever that may be. Yet they're not saying, hey, I'm struggling every day. This is what's really important. Don't miss what's really important. I believe that's where we have a difficulty. I want to take that and then, and put this and say, when you're sitting down and you're meeting with kids and you're meeting with the kid that you were, that 12 or 13 year old that's in the midst of some of the toughest, that you're going to, how are you connecting with them and saying, follow me, there's a better way? Not for me, but for you? What's that main tension that they're seeing right now that you can say, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's a better way? [ARKEVIOUS] The reality of their reality is that the reality, the fact that they understand that who they are in the situations that they're in, but the real reality is the fact that they got to return and still live in the conditions and experience those experiences despite of. And it's one of the things that allowed me to go to school, wasn't for the education. It was to escape my reality. It's almost like a high, it's like a dope highlight. Like I expose the kids to opportunities and places, taking them camping, taking them to the mountains, taking them fishing, just giving them that exposure to different things. Then they know once this is over, I got to go back to a place that I really don't want to be or be a part of. That's the tug of war. That's the tug of war that I deal with every single day, not just with youth, but you know what I mean, just with people. We as human beings, we're in tug of war with our ourselves every single day. We know we want more out of life. We know what we would love to strive to become but we also know the reality part. Like, I'm not where I need to be right now, and certain things are stopping me, but I'm trying I'm giving efforts every single day and our young people are dealing with it as well. Our kids are watching and that's how they're learning. They're not watching, like the words that I tell you as a young man that I will speak to is that yes, you can become, if you try, you give forth effort, you give it your best every single day. Yes, it's true but those words have to be put into action and if we understand the power in words. I can inspire you but the moment that you get to yourself is what you tell yourself. Like, we listen to the TD Jakes, we listen to the Eric Thomas's and the Tony Robinsons. We listen to the powerful words like, oh my God, it's so powerful. But the words that matter the most is the words you speak to yourself. [TYLER] Oh, yes. [ARKEVIOUS] At the end of the day, the most powerfulest word that you can ever hear is the words you speak to yourself. That's what I always try to teach my young man, is to speak life regardless of the situations that you're in. Speak life, regardless of what you're going through, speak life, no matter how you feel. That's the biggest thing that I feel like this generation is struggling with the most. They only can speak life only if someone or something accepts them. So when I say someone or something accepts them we're living in a social media world. That's where our kids spend majority of their time, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and it's about how many followers, how many views, how many likes, who shared? So my life is based upon validation. It's just, that's just, and it's not just you, it's people and so that's the words now is not based upon what you hear from other people is what you say to yourself. So my struggle has always been, I can teach you, but the most important thing are you applying yourself to the information. I always tell kids, don't be fooled, knowledge is not power. Knowledge has never been power. Applied knowledge is power. If you apply yourself to anything that you learn, you can change your situation. [TYLER] The piece there that you stress, I mean, there's two is, well, there really is like we can take people out of the painful reality. We can take people to events. We can go and even listen to this, whoever is listening and watching, whatever, you're taking time away from a reality. You're hopefully gaining knowledge. You're hopefully getting inspiration, but yet you're going to leave this, you're going to turn it off, and you're going to go be in something else. What's going to change there? To me, that's the second point, is if you can stress, and I've had a friend stress this upon me, Colin Henderson says, our actions are always, it's the second time we've thought about it. We think about it first, and then we think and do and it's like to your point here, the words you speak to yourself are the most powerful you'll ever hear. It's, what are we doing to change those words? I think back, and I'm trying to paint this picture of experience and understanding, it's like the 13 year old that you get to go talk to and sit beside and say, hey, I know what you're going through, I know you're telling people this is the pathway, I know people are telling you're in survival mode and you're struggling. Stick with it. Stay the path. Take this high road, do that because it sucks right now. It's going to be tough, it's going to be difficult but if you tell yourself you can get through it, when you get through it, you'll be able to accomplish anything. I can just imagine those are the words you're telling people because that's everything you've told me so far. [ARKEVIOUS] Yes. I think too, is consistency, me putting myself in situations, Tyler, to where I'm speaking life into some lifeless bodies. I'm speaking life. 2020, two kids that was in my program was killed. One was 14 years old, the other one's 16 years old. Just imagine one kid that I knew in 2021, 12 years old hung himself, and I knew this kid, I knew this kid. Programs in the county jail, where majority of the population I had 24 kids in my program in the county jail, the juve facility, out of the 24, 17, from the age of 15 to 17 years old, was in there for first and second degree murder. You talking about 15 years old through 17 years old, incarcerated, they know their life is gone, but they still don't understand the act that they committed. So you got to understand that so many of these young people are in situations that they don't understand it. They don't really truly comprehend it. It goes back to what I was saying earlier, is that the pain that I was experiencing as a kid, I understood it, but I couldn't really truly comprehend. [TYLER] Sure, because, this is what I, and this is what you've said, because of survival. At that point, dude, it's --- [ARKEVIOUS] It's survival. [TYLER] It's like they say, all goes in love and war and it's like, I would say to that extent, it's survival. It's like, dude, yeah, I did this because if it was that, or it was me. If you put me in that situation, what am I going to do? That's a hard reality that I think, that I'm hearing from you that we don't, a general population, general society, like just your everyday walking around does not understand the real, the real, and as you're sharing with me, the real situations that people are put in every day, where it's like, how could you make that decision? Oh, how could I not? That's what I'm hearing from you. [ARKEVIOUS] Absolutely. That's what separates those from most people. When you look at young people and you look at, man, let's just look at it, most people grow up without the opportunities to get the exposure. So they go from the 13 year old to the 21 year old, to the 30 year old, to the 40 year old and still nothing changes. Let's speak, let's just look at it, the fact that we are looking for so many people to understand how can we get you from one mindset of living to a different mindset of what you can have and start thriving? All I know is this, all I know is the struggle, all I know is to the trauma, all I know is to deal with. I can't help but say this, that's what we have today. In the urban communities, we have parents raising kids who are still struggling with their own personal traumas. We have fathers who don't know how to father because they was never shown how to father. So we have a generational pattern that would continue to display what word I'm looking for, but to continue to display how the life of this younger generation will grow to become. But I think to me, when you look at it though, Tyler, it's like, this is all a person know and I am the example. So I broke that chain. I broke that pattern. You can be an author regardless of no one in your family ever told you that you could write a book. You can be successful, even if it's no one in your family. You hear what I'm saying? Like, you can be an amazing, you can be an amazing parent even if your parents never showed. I'm an amazing husband and father, but I was never shown how to be a father. I was never shown how to be a supportive, a husband. No one ever told me that I can write, I can write books. When you look at, you talking about two books that I've written. No one ever told me that I can write my own books. No one ever told me that I can be who I am today. So I think when you look at Arkevious, like he is the perfect example that can give somebody that hope. The faith and the thing that's hard for so many people, they don't want to go through the process of becoming, the process, it may take years, it may take longer than what you expect. See, everybody is ready for the change now. Everybody want to get out what they're dealing with now so the process for me was 17 years, brother. [TYLER] I get you. [ARKEVIOUS] That's a long time, that's a long time. That's what a lot of people don't want to go through. They don't want to go through the process. They won't change now. They want to get out of what they're in right now and it doesn't work that way. [TYLER] Well, to me, that comes back to what you said earlier, was all the experiences that led to the change, that there was no fast forward there. I've gone through that in my life and as you're sharing that, it's like these, yeah, I've gone through that. I think a lot of people listening probably have, but our choice is to have that mindset that it's possible and embrace the process. But then I also hear the other part of this is like, be willing to share it with others to say, hey, it's possible. When you think about it's possible, man, it's amazing the impact that we can start to have instead of just saying, well, I am where I am or everyone's sick of hearing. It's like reality is like, no, it's, most people don't hear it enough. I think that's the great opportunity that to me is the opportunity that you're sharing with people as like, hey, this may not sink in today, but I'm going to plant the seed. You can be what I've become. You can be what you aspire to be. You don't have to stay stuck in the situation where you're at now just because that's all you see. From a leadership perspective, I think that is powerful. That's vision and coming beside it, by continuing to have those passionate words, like this is the vision, this is the opportunity, but I'm going to stick here and I'm going to walk with you. [ARKEVIOUS] Man, God, I'll use Jesus as an example of leadership because he showed you and he was there and he had enough faith that what he told you and showed you, he was able to walk away and trust that you would do it. I think one of the things that I deal with on a consistent basis is that most of my teachings are me showing you, helping you, but I always say you got to take it from here and go forward. One of the struggles that I deal with every day when I deal with people is that some people get it and some people don't but you got to want it for yourself and I teach that. This change that people see today, I wanted it. I wanted it and I was willing to make a commitment to myself and stick to that commitment that no matter what I go through, I'm not going back. No matter what hill I got to climb, I'm going to persevere. No matter what valley I got to go through, I'm going to come up out that thing. I'm not going back. I've been where I've been and I don't like where it was. I don't like what it gave me. I don't like where it took me. I'm not going back. Sometimes what a lot of people got to understand is that you have to learn to be okay with being to yourself. When you are to yourself, I promise you there's some lonely nights, there's some dark nights, there's some moments where you're going to think back of some of the things you went through and experience being to yourself. It's not good. Why? Because you got to face that ugly person. That ugly person has been through a lot. There's a lot of trauma, there's a lot of abuse, there's a lot of pain and you have to face that person. The reason why so many people can't move forward because they okay with being where they at. It's comfort. You said it earlier, it's about being comfortable. I tell people right now, we got to get out of that comfort zone. [TYLER] It's getting to the point where the pain of change is no longer seems greater than the pain that you're in. As much as you know that set and that's triteful, it doesn't matter. Any change is painful, but it's understanding that process is worth it. It's knowing that there's more for me in that rather than just staying where I'm at now because then it's either you go down, stay the same, but the only way to go up is you got to put in the work. You got to do the work, you got to work, you got to work at it. [ARKEVIOUS] I have a, one of the sessions that I teach about stretching. [TYLER] There you go. [ARKEVIOUS] I use, and I still got some here, I always keep rubber bands here, man. I always, when I go speak, sometimes I love to teach with examples. I don't know what it is about examples. It draws me. It draws, but things about stretching, it's stretching beyond the familiar shape of something that it was designed to be but it has the potential to be more than what it would design to be. Like it can be used for so many other things that I have so many different ways of showing but anytime you stretch, anytime you grow, anytime you move from something, you can never be the same as you was before. I love that because when God gave me who I am today, he gave this to me like this. Like, I don't care what nobody say. I don't take credit. I give myself credit, but I give God all the credit. He gave this to me. I am not the same. I'm not who I used to be. That's why I can talk about the past the way I do. Because you can't help but see all the great things I've become now. So the things that you see now it has a reason. It has a root. So this is why you do what you do at the level that you do it. I can't help it because God saved me, brother. God delivered me. So being delivered from out of something you don't look like what you've been through. [TYLER] Totally, totally. Arkevious, thanks man. This has been great. I mean so many nuggets, so many great things. I mean all the different pieces. I appreciate you spending time with me and being a guest and dude, I can't wait to get to know you better and hear more. [ARKEVIOUS] Hey, listen man, I think we can, first I want to say thank you, man. Anything that can empower people to help other people out, I'm always for it. Anytime you need me, brother, listen man, don't be hesitant at all. Don't be hesitant at all. Man, I'm looking forward to this week. Is it's next week? Is it this week? [TYLER] It's this week. We're recording this on the 2nd, we have an event on the 4th. This will release later in the month. [ARKEVIOUS] Get ready. Listen, I'll stay, I stay, so man, listen, I wish you nothing but the best and I look forward to hearing what you going to be coming with brother. [TYLER] We'll make sure in the show notes we have all the different ways that you can learn more about Arkevious, see his information, see his videos, his website, all socials, all those things. Arkevious, thanks for being here man. [ARKEVIOUS] Man, thank you so much, Tyler. [TYLER] Arkevious is, obviously we just met each other. We have mutual friend John Eids that connected us. You've heard John before. He is been a guest on this podcast. I teased this in the opening, I'm going to close it now. When we have a mindset that that's what life looks like, it's not until we change our mindset, until we build the process and embrace the process to change our environment. Like he said, like I pointed out, my friend Colin Henderson has shared with me, the words you speak to yourself are the most powerful words you will ever hear. Our words change our mindset. You've heard that from me, from other guests, hearing this again, if you are willing to change the words that you speak to yourself, you can accomplish anything. It really ties into belief. I'd like to share this with you right now, process of starting up a brand new pathway for the Impact Driven Leader, we have the book club, a free community you can be a part of right now. We're reading the book right behind me, Becoming a Changemaker by Alex Budak. I hope you listened to that episode, phenomenal. But as well, I want to invite you to be a part of the round table here, starting in February of 2023. We're going to go through a completely different process. We're going to learn to awaken, we're going to grow and we're going to lead. I'd love for you to be a part of that. If you're able to make it to the workshop that we did, great. You've already gotten exposure to that. Don't worry, I will open up another workshop so we can walk through this process. But I'd love for you to join the round table to have those conversations where we talk about awakening as a leader, growing and leading, ultimate leading to impact. I'm excited for this change adjustment in the round table and I know it's going to deliver so much more value to everyone else. I hope that you take part in it. I know there's a spot for you. I know you'll get value from it. Thanks for listening. Make sure to subscribe. I'd love to hear what you thought about Arkevious's story, what moved you, what really jumped out at you as something impactful. Thanks for being here. Till next time, have a good one.