IDL105 Season 3: The Mirror and The Window
How can you create a transformative space for yourself and for others? When last did you observe and reconstruct your identity? Which barriers have you put up, and how can you overcome them?
This episode we’re doing things a little differently. I'm going to introduce a new lesson: The Window and The Mirror. In this podcast, I guide you through the Window-and-Mirror analogy, and discuss how to apply this simple, pivotal lesson to your leadership.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
The mirror versus the window - 03:14
Observe your identity - 07:07
Overcome your barrier - 09:01
Create a space for growth - 14:11
Ask yourself these questions -19:13
The mirror versus the window
When you look in the mirror and you see your intentions, that is your reflection.
What other people see through the window is who you truly are as a leader.
So, if you want to develop and grow as a leader, you need to place your focus on the window and not only on the mirror.
You need to find out how people perceive you because that is a true reflection of how your actions and behaviors are understood by those around you.
Observe your identity
The way that you construct your identity will direct your actions and behaviors. However, you need to remember that you can always deconstruct and reconstruct your identity at any time, it is never fully permanent – nor should be.
Overcome your barrier
Do you have blinds up? Tints on your windows? Are the curtains drawn?
Sometimes, out of a fear of being vulnerable or open, or struggling with confidence, we may place barriers between ourselves and others, hoping it will make us stronger and more capable.
In fact, the best way forward is to slowly remove those barriers, and practice vulnerability, because that is the truest form of power. To admit that you don’t know, and commit to figuring it out together.
Have open conversations with those around you. Ask them open questions, then sit back, and listen to their answers.
Create a space for growth
One of the highest levels of a leader is to create an environment that values, welcomes, and encourages personal development, growth, and curiosity.
It welcomes transformation and encourages people to pursue the best versions of themselves.
Ask yourself these questions
From Ryan Leak’s Leveling Up book:
1 – Vision: which ladder are you climbing and why?
2 – Self-awareness: how can people increase their self-awareness?
3 – Self-improvement: how can you be better today than you were yesterday?
4 – Being a team player: are you sharing credit for the successes?
5 – Humility: do you own your flaws?
6 – Potential: are you avoiding risks? Because that limits opportunities.
7 – Assist: how are you living a life of significance?
8 – Integrity: are you doing it the right way?
9 – Schedule: are you managing your time or is it managing you?
10 – Rest: are you resting properly and fully?
11 – Fun: are you having fun? Make the journey fun.
12 – Transparency: am I open and vulnerable?
Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:
BOOK | Jim Collins – Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... and Others Don't
BOOK | Robert Kaplan – What to Ask the Person in the Mirror: Critical Questions for Becoming a More Effective Leader and Reaching Your Potential
BOOK | Ryan Leak – Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate Your Personal and Professional Development
BOOK | Peter Drucker – The Effective Executive: The Definitive Guide to Getting the Right Things Done (Harperbusiness Essentials)
Sign up for the roundtable at: hello@theimpactdrivenleader.com
Check out the Practice Of the Practice
Visit theimpactdrivenleader.com and sign up for the workshop!
About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast
The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.
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The only way that you can have great growth when looking through the mirror is when you create an environment where other people want to do the same.
Tyler Dickerhoof
Podcast Transcription
[TYLER DICKERHOOF]
Welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader Podcast. This is your host, Tyler Dickerhoof. If you're watching on YouTube, good to see you. See the new office, new background. If you're listening, that's great. Love that you're listening, taking this in. Here's what I'd love to ask you, if you're listening or you're watching on YouTube, subscribe, make sure that you get notified. If you're on YouTube, you see some other content that you can subscribe to, but once a week, this podcast releases. Excited to share this with you as well. If you're listening, wherever you're listening to podcasts, man, I'm so grateful that you're here. I hope you get value from each one of these episodes. You'll learn a little bit more about the authors and guests.
Today it's a little different. I'm excited to share that but one last thing, just to let you know I just completed the last Awaken the Leader Within Workshop. In a couple weeks, April 3rd and fourth, I will be hosting another workshop. If you would like to attend that, make sure you go to theimpactdrivenleader.com. That'll be in the show notes, don't worry. You can click on it there, theimpactdrivenleader.com. You can sign up and make sure that you get notified for that. There's also a free course available. You can go through My Four Days of Impact. Would love to have you go through that. One last thing, man, this is the kickoff for today's episode. A new lesson that I'm going to be teaching, sharing. It's actually going to happen the week before that workshop, free, quick little segment. I'm going to tease it today because I'm just working through it.
As my mentor John Maxwell told me the best way to get really good about teaching a lesson is teaching it. So I'm starting here. I've shared it with a few people, but this is the first time I've taught this lesson, the window and the mirror. Maybe you're familiar, you've heard that where leaders and coaches and, I would say thought leaders more will encourage executives, leaders, and a lot of the word leader, but just let's work through this to look in the mirror. This is what I thought about one day, is I was contemplating this myself, and I was walking through this like, okay, and I was reading, and I was reading Peter Drucker, I believe, and I stopped and I thought about this. Huh? You know what happens when I look in the mirror? I see a reflection.
I'm watching this video right now that I'm recording, or if you're watching it on YouTube, you're seeing a reflection. The camera is mirroring what I look like. So when I look at it's like I look normal, like my face, the proportions, everything's in the right, it's what I'm used to seeing. But this is what I've learned. Whatever you see is different than what I see. What I see in the mirror is a reflection of my face. It's a reflection of my actions that Stephen Covey once said we judge ourselves based on our attentions, what we see in the mirror and others on their actions, what we see through a window. See, that's what I'm going to talk in today with you about, is the window and the mirror. See, we're encouraged to look in the mirror. We're encouraged to understand who we are as people, how we show up in the world. But this is what I've learned and this is what I'm working through, and I'm postulating and I'm trying to formalize.
When we look in the mirror, we see our intentions and that's the reflection. What other people see through the window, that's who we really are as a leader, and we need to focus on that window to be able to grow as a leader. We need to sit across from people. One of the great lessons that I've had, the great attributes that I've had to be able to offer to others as the Impact Driven Leader round table, how that all started was have the opportunity to be in those situations with others. I had the opportunity to grow and learn and develop in round table situations that were facilitated by the Maxwell company, John Maxwell. I took from that and realized, this is where transformation happens. I actually had that conversation with John. I get the value of the round table.
Yes, we can share lessons and values and as he describes it, there's the layered learning effect. I'm learning something. I'm sharing what I'm learning. You have an interpretation on that. You add in your perception, your experience, and all of a sudden the learning is layered. When it's layered, it compounds dramatically and transformation happens sooner, quicker, and more effective. See, being in a round table situation like we do with the Impact Driven Leader round table is everyone has a seat at the table. See, everyone sits with a window in front of them. It's clear, it's transparent, there's nothing blocking it. Part of the attributes of being at the round table and having the sessions, the conversations that we have is being vulnerable.
I've been pretty, I guess, unique or blessed that one of the things that I've been able to instill upon others is that willingness to be vulnerable. I don't know if it's a, having to learn that myself and choosing to be authentic, because that's more valuable and more likable because the fake me, I realized people didn't like, and that was a hard lesson, but people didn't like and see, I was constantly looking in that mirror and I saw a reflection and I'm like, oh, people will like this? Yet my window was shattered. I had rocks thrown through it. I had rocks thrown through it by my own accord, by my own actions. I'm looking in the mirror and I'm trying to figure out why is this, this isn't what I'm seeing when I look out the window, but yet when I look out the window, it's jagging, it's broken. Maybe you've been there as a leader, maybe you're afraid. As I talked to someone last night, they're been so successful in what they're doing. As a leader they look in that mirror and they see the person that they once were, performance, they were sales executive and they were really, really good at sales.
They could go and they could sell and they could meet their quota and they could hit their percentages. Every year was a hundred twenty, a hundred fifty, a hundred seventy. Oh, you raised the bar on me? Great. I'm going to go above and beyond. They were so good. They were encouraged to then be the sales manager. They struggled because they were like, well, how do I lead others to do it when my own worth and value is tied up in me being able to be the best salesperson I can be? I need to hit my numbers. In that fear set in saying, what are other people going to think of me based upon my performance? The what is my role in this sales manager is that to me perform as to help everyone else perform as the collective to perform and that fear sunk in.
So looking in the mirror, we see the reflection. Oh, I have this identity. I am this leader. I am this performer. So when you stick to what's in the mirror and you forsake peering through the window, that's when all of a sudden riots happen. I don't need to explain really, in this world, you've probably seen and understood what happens when riots happen and people throw rocks through windows. Why do they do that? There's frustration there. There's a lack of transparency. There's a misunderstanding between both sides. That's what happens when people get upset. Sometimes they throw rocks through windows and see as leaders, if we allow that opaqueness, the lack of clarity in the window, if we allow blinds, you pull down the blinds, I have blinds here on my window. We have tint, in our house for energy efficiency, super sunny, so we have tint on our windows.
All those things create a barrier. As leaders, we have those too. Maybe we have levels of hierarchy. Well that person's two or three levels down. They have a a mid-level manager to talk to. I don't need to talk to them. I can't talk to them. There's those barriers there. Safety reasons. See, all those barriers to the window, direct you to the mirror. And Jim Collins, and rightly so in his book, Good to Great, he encouraged leaders look in the mirror to accept responsibility. I think that's right. He said, look out the window to give credit. This is where I take this entire conversation we're having and take it and turn it up a douche, you want to up-level, you want to transform. We're going to talk about that in a second. Or this is a dual episode today. Talk about leveling up. But if you want to uplevel, if you want to transform as a leader, accept what's in the mirror, that's great. That's a perspective.
But sit down at another table, put that window in front of you and ask others this, what's it like to be led by me? There's a book by Robert, Steve Kaplan. It's called What To Ask the Person in the Mirror. Now, I'm going to twist on this. I don't want to talk to that guy in the mirror because I know it's all based upon intentions and everything they do is right. There's some clarity and levity of understanding who I am, but I'll never understand and appreciate who I am until the person sitting across the table from me, the person right now watching me can say, "Tyler, this is who you really are. Tyler, this is how you show up in the world. Tyler, this is how you make people feel."
Until I have those conversations as a leader, I'm staring at the mirror and I'm smiling because I'm happy the way I look. Ah, maybe I fix this here, do a little bit there, but I'm used to it. It's when I choose to have conversations through the window. I sit back and I listen. I'm curiously asking, how do you see me be vulnerable and authentic and transparent when people ask? Maybe you don't know this is what you seem like. It was a moment for me where that happened. I had my window moment doing a 360 review. See that window moment people felt safe and vulnerable, and maybe that's what it's going to take to get that ball rolling. They told me, Tyler, it's all about you. See, my mirror wasn't saying that. My mirror was saying, Tyler, you work hard. You have high expectations. You want the best for others.
What the window was saying is, it's all about you, you protect yourself, you push through people. It's, you're egotistical, you're arrogant, whatever it may be, all those words that were said about me and I had to own them because what happened is that's what people saw through the window. It's not what I saw in the mirror. The mirror was taking responsibility. This is how I show up. This is what I can do better. This is how I need to get better to serve people. But what I wasn't asking is the person I'm seeing the reflection in the mirror or is it what I see through the window? See, that's the big question to ask. That's what we're trying to solve is how do others see and perceive me? What's it like to be led by me?
When we start to ask those questions, we start to become aware of our fears and our beliefs. We start to unwind our mindset, man, we really start to awaken and grow. As a leader it takes curiosity to do that. It takes willingness to ask those hard questions. Going back to Robert Steve Kaplan and some of the questions that he posed in the book, What To Ask the Person in the Mirror, he talked about vision. I think that's one area when we get into leadership that really separates effective leaders from leaders just with a dream. It's their ability to communicate, hold firm, and clearly encourage people to reach out, to attain a vision. That's the difference maker. Then it's their ability to connect and it's their ability to walk with people and to continue and influence them. Those are facets of part of the Impact Driven Leader curriculum I guess.
One of the other questions that Robert Steve Kaplan has is, does the way I spend my time enable me to achieve my top priorities? I heard about this yesterday. This is a classic window in a mirror, facade. One person was sharing in a round table how often people will tell them, "Hey this is the way you should be doing it." Acknowledging full all and well, they're not able to do that. See, those are the moments where the window starts to get a crack. The window all of a sudden starts to get deformed. When that happens, safety, man. Why do we have glass safety, glass to protect people? What happens when a safety glass like a windshield gets cracked? Hmm, it's vulnerable. It's liable to cause harm. There's that vulnerability that's important. Being able to see through the window without covering, but yet being vulnerable and potential to destruction, that's not helping anyone.
One of the last things that I want to effectively talk about here in the window, in the mirror is the only way that you can have great growth when looking through the mirror is when you create an environment where other people want to do the same, where you create an environment where there's growth, there is transformation, there's encouragement that's led through curiosity. When you have that, when you have window conversations, everyone gets better. But if you have a two-way mirror where you can see through but they can't see back, that's not helping anyone. That's no different than just having a reflection and thinking that's really who you are. Don't believe me? Take a picture. Look at that picture and say, hmm, that's exactly what I thought I looked like. The reality is probably not.
The reality to that is what you see as yourself as a leader is not what everyone else sees and the only way it can be informed is by taking the time to ask those around you, what's it like to work with me? What's it like to be led like me? What am I great at? What do I struggle at? What do I make your life enjoyable for? How do I make your life enjoyable? How do I make your life difficult? Being willing to stop and have those conversations, man, that's what grows a leader. That's what grows organizations and I encourage you to do it.
All right, quick transition. Again, reminder, April 3rd and 4th, just a couple months away, I'll lead another free workshop, Awaken the Leader Within, two day, couple hours each day, do some teaching, some stuff that I've worked through and tried to figure out myself and share with you guys. I know you're going to get value out of it, time spent. You can sign up for that at theimpactdrivenleader.com. Make sure you get those notifications on the email so you can properly register.
All right, here it is, the first Friday in February. If you've been listening to the podcast long, if you've been watching, each Friday, I release a podcast where first of every month we talk about a new book. Part of the book club this month is actually going back to a book where I interviewed the author just a few months ago, and this is Level Up, Leveling Up by Ryan Leak. This was such a transformational transformation, transformative, wow, transformative, there I got it, transformative book. When I read it, going through it that I decided this needed to be a part of the book club. See, in this book, Leveling Up, Ryan asked 12 questions to elevate your personal development and professional development.
But there's six different levels and I want to walk through those levels because maybe you can identify with some of those levels. If you've had the chance to read the book, great. If not, this is what I encourage you. Be a part of the book club. I ask daily questions. I share little separate teaching. As well, it's a great platform to use as a book study with others. Ryan has some materials, but if you want to be part of the Impact Driven Leader and the lens that we work through things, especially what we've talked to with the window in the mirror and this transformation process, I encourage you to be part of the book club. This is the first level, aimless, as Ryan describes it. This is where you have no earthly idea what you're doing, where you're going. You have no direction. There's times in life I've been aimless. Don't be afraid if you're there.
The next one is stuck. This is where you have no idea what you're doing, where you're going, but you have no direction. You can envision yourself doing better, but you can't seem to know how to get there. You might work hard, but experience very little progress as he describes it. The third one is coasting. This is where you're going through the motions. You're just stuck there. It's like the hamster on the wheel. Your life is on cruisers control. You do what you have to survive. I've lived there. I've been there. I was stuck on an island then I was walking on a hamster wheel. This is the next phase, developing. This is where you're steadily growing. Maybe you're a part of the, a book club. Maybe you're a part of a community where you're a round table, you're sitting around people, you're growing. You've had incremental improvements over the few years and your relationships and careers have excelled.
The next one is thriving. Man, I hope you're thriving. If not, I'd love to help you get there. This is where you're operating in your sweet spot. You don't have to do anything. You get to do everything. The last one is mastering. This is a point in life quite honestly, I don't know if I'll ever attain, but I'm excited to work towards it. I'm excited to guide others through their process of developing and thriving and maybe we collectively can get to mastering. As Ryan describes, this is where you're doing so well, that you're in a place to help others do the same. See, that's mastery.
Ryan has 12 questions in the book and I'm going to encourage you to just think about this. Maybe write them down. If not, grab the book. Be a part of our book club. We're starting right now today. You can join the Impact Driven Leader book club, either on Facebook or reach out and we'll make sure we invite you to it. Here's the first question, vision, what ladder are you climbing and why? Do you even know why you're doing what you're doing? The next question Ryan has is self-awareness. How can people increase their self-awareness? We just talked about the window in the mirror. That's a process. The next self-improvement being better than you were yesterday. What drove you to this desire? Being a team player? Give credit away. Everyone will want to work with you. Humility, it's about owning your flaws. The next is potential, avoiding risk limits, opportunities. Go after your potential. We just talked about potential in our, one of our last podcasts with Tom D'Eri. The power of potential. Assist, how are you living a life of significance? What are you doing for others?
Integrity, are you doing it the right way? Schedule, are you managing your time or is it managing you? I'm just going through the process again here reading The Effective Executive. If you've listened to many of my thoughts of the day or even influenced here. Peter Drucker was classic, or if you don't measure it, you can't manage it. He also was very, very directive towards time. How you spend your time is the greatest tool that you have as a leader or as a person. Next, are you resting? Do you find times to rest, replenish, do things like listen to podcasts, that maybe you think differently where you can rest, relax, go take from this thought, write it down. Are you having fun? Make the journey fun. You can't get to a point in life where it's like, okay, now it's time to have fun. Have fun along the way. Find joy in what you're doing.
Then the last one of the 12 questions that Ryan has in this leveling up, am I open and vulnerable? It's all about transparency. I hope you partake in the book club. I hope you go grab Ryan's book. Read through it, read through it with others because I know this, if you read this book, you answer these six questions, you find out which level you're on and you do it with others. You're already moving towards level six of mastery because you're not just doing it on your own. Man, thanks again for being here. I appreciate you listening in. I thank you for being a subscriber. I thank you for sharing. You got value from today's episode? Please share it with someone. You also got value from this? I'd love to know, I'd love to know what really made you think, what made you say, ooh, that touched tomorrow. I mean, the only way that I know that I'm moving forward, the only way that I can get out of the mirror and focus on the window is if you're able to give me feedback and I'd love to have it, I'd love to know what I can do to better serve you and help you on your journey of leadership, development, and growth. Thanks for being here. Till next time, have a good one.
