IDL140 Season 3: Confidence Creator with Heather Monahan
Why do the best leaders let people fail? Can you be empowered in yourself without overpowering others? How do you know whether you need to change the room that you’re in?
Hello and welcome back! Today I'm joined by Heather Monahan; author of multiple books, keynote speaker, and thought leader. Today she shares her insights into where confidence comes from. We discuss the way confidence is affected by others, and how we can develop confidence in our own abilities whilst empowering those around us.
Meet Heather Monahan
Heather Monahan is a best-selling author, Top 50 keynote speaker, TEDx speaker, podcast host, and Board Member of Healthlynked Corporation. As a former C-suite executive in media, she was named one of the most Influential Women in Radio in 2017, and Thrive Global named her a Limit Breaking Female Founder in 2018.
After an unexpected termination, Heather wrote and self-published her first book, Confidence Creator. In 2019 Heather launched her podcast Creating Confidence, a Top 25 show on Apple Podcast’s Business chart weekly.
Heather was named one of the Top 40 Female Keynote Speakers of 2020 and Top 50 Keynote Speakers in the World in 2022 by Real Leaders. Girls Club named her The Thought Leader of the Year in 2021 and in 2023 she was highlighted on Favikon’s Top 200 Linkedin Creator List. Her second book, Overcome Your Villains, published by Harper Collins Leadership, is available now.
Visit Heather’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
How insecurity shows up - 03:19
Be assertive in yourself without overpowering others - 08:44
How to be a real leader - 14:48
Get into the right room - 23:55
The best leaders let you try - 35:21
How insecurity shows up
“One of the limitations of personal confidence is insecurity … To me, men display [their insecurities] most often in [something] like arrogance. I call it just being an asshole, it is what it is. ”
There are many ways that insecurity can show up for people and make it tough for them to do great work and have good impacts in their lives as well as the lives of the people around them.
However, typically insecurity can show up in men as arrogance, and in women as being overly-apologetic or submissive. Both of these traits cause them to have difficulties in their relationships, both professional and personal.
“Men when they’re insecure will be like over-the-top … people [might] think, “Oh, they’re so confident!” It’s not confidence … When someone’s trying that hard, it’s because they’re feeling insecure. ”
Be assertive in yourself without overpowering others
“It’s really about being assertive and having preparation, looking at your strengths, and then being grateful for the situation … It’s understanding that we don’t need to be over-the-top. We can stand up and be powerful in ourselves and not feel like we need to overpower [others]. ”
It is incredibly freeing for you - and for others - when you allow yourself to simply be, without feeling like you need to push, force, or demand something from others, or yourself.
There is a difference between being forceful and being assertive, and you can always learn how to step into your power and the strength that you have without overpowering others, or making them feel like they need to diminish themselves for you to exist.
How to be a real leader
John Maxwell is one of the most influential and well known leaders of the 21st century - however, he doesn’t throw that title around to impress people.
One of the things that makes him such a powerful and effective leader is that he prioritizes connections with those around him, and sees people as a friend, not a person to dazzle.
“It doesn’t matter how old you are or what experience or expertise you have, it’s about being open and being real, and the more you embrace that, the more people are going to relate to you, the closer people are going to be pulled to you. ”
Get into the right room
If it feels like everything you have been doing is an uphill battle, then you may be in the wrong room with the wrong people.
Sure, there’s going to be struggles when you’re in the right place too, but struggles shouldn’t drain you entirely, pull you down, or make you constantly doubt yourself, or be on edge.
“If things aren’t connecting, something’s wrong. Take a step back from it, step out of the situation for a moment to observe and ask yourself that question; what’s really going on here? ”
If you know that you are stuck, then you need to take the leap of faith and make a change. If who you truly are is not welcomed, celebrated, invited, or encouraged, then you need to get out of there and find the place and the people that will do those things.
The best leaders let you try
The most influential leaders let their employees and loved ones try it out themselves, fail or succeed, and be with them whatever the outcome with compassion and encouragement.
If a leader - or parent - tries to always protect their people, those people will never learn, and will almost be stunted in their personal development because they never got the chance to try for themselves.
“In a leadership position, that isn’t going to build their confidence and it’s not going to help your confidence in them. So just be willing to fail through that process, and it [becomes] a gift for everyone. ”
Of course leaders or parents don’t want their employees or children to suffer, but they also know that they have to fail in order to learn.
These leaders know that sometimes the best thing that they can do for someone is to let them learn, fall, and show them that they can get back up again and try once more. A true leader brings out the inner strength in each person they guide.
Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:
BOOK | Heather Monahan - Confidence Creator
BOOK | Heather Monahan - Overcome Your Villains: Mastering Your Beliefs, Actions, and Knowledge to Conquer Any Adversity
Visit Heather’s website and connect on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.
Listen to her podcast, Creating Confidence
Level Up Your Leadership with the free 4 Days To Maximum Impact Course!
Sign up for the roundtable at: hello@theimpactdrivenleader.com
Check out the Practice Of the Practice
About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast
The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.
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