IDL30 Season 1: On Purpose with Purpose with John Ramstead
How do you find a mentor who will truly bring out the best in you? What is the connection between shared core values and successful mentorship? How has the leadership industry failed leaders, and how can you fix it?
I am so happy for you to hear John Ramstead’s story today. Twice in his life, he has had major injuries that changed the course of what happened next in his life. He has a resilient spirit, with a strong desire and zest for life. John learned how to create his best life and he is now teaching others how to do the same.
John loves combining his experience as a Navy
fighter pilot, Fortune 500 manager and serial
entrepreneur, with his passion to help others
reach their full potential… all while
incorporating the very valuable lessons he
learned from surviving a near-fatal horseback
riding accident in 2011. Recovering from a
severe traumatic brain injury, that required 25
surgeries and put John under hospital care for
almost two years—radically transformed his
thinking and forced him to connect with who he
was meant to be. John learned how to create his
best life.
Visit his website. Connect on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram.
Subscribe to his YouTube channel.
In this episode we discuss:
Mentorship
The importance of values
Failures of leadership
MENTORSHIP
“If I learned from him, I am going to get what he has. I could be wealthy and alone, so is this somebody that I want to let into my world and allow to mentor me? So, I passed on that … I’m going to learn how to think how he thinks, and it’s not how I want to think [because] that’s not what’s important to me. ”
When you want to be mentored by someone who you look up to, observe their life. Look at what they have done in their life: look at their family structure, their business, their successes, and their relationships.
The chances are that if they mentor you and you learn from them, then you will mimic the structures that they have in their life and replicate them in yours. Therefore, even if someone is wildly successful but they have sacrificed their family, and your family is important to you, then they may not be the right person for you to learn from.
Learn from people who inspire you, and learn from people who lead the kind of lifestyle that you genuinely want to live as well.
“When you are looking for mentorship, you have to look at all the results. I call it being a fruit inspector: you got to look at the whole tree and say: “you know what is this what I want to replicate in my life?” ”
This is the way for you to find a mentor that resonates with you and your principles in life.
THE IMPORTANCE OF VALUES
It is important to the success and integrity of the mentorship that you connect with someone who shares your values.
If you try to work with someone who believes or acts in ways that you do not share or agree with, then you might risk betraying yourself to achieve success in the same way they did.
Instead, find someone who is on the same wavelength as you, who connects with you and your core values, and is in a place where you want to be in the future: follow that person, because they will be able to guide you to your success without asking you to devalue yourself in the process.
“That importance is as, one; being a leader to have those [core values] identified and say “this is how I carry myself, so when others see me, they know that of me” but then, two; be able to recognize in others … [that] there is either congruence or incongruence. ”
You need to understand and know what your core values are because that will help you to be in alignment with your future goals and with other people.
If you need to make a decision and it is really difficult to decide, or you feel stressed or anxious having to decide, then there is a chance that this path you are considering is out of alignment with your core values.
FAILURES OF LEADERSHIP
“Here’s where I think the leadership industry does us a disservice: they focus on the why, the what and the how, those are very important. Underneath that, foundational, it is who: who you are. ”
Businesses and companies are built upon leadership, and leadership is created through the union of people working together, and a strong union is built between people who know themselves.
It is nearly impossible for there to be sincere, successful, and valuable leadership when there is little to no self-awareness or understanding. You need to know how you succeed, but you also need to know:
Your limiting beliefs,
Your preconceptions,
Who you are when you are not in touch with your core values.
Leaders move into dangerous territory when they forget that they are people, and people have good sides and bad sides. You are a more flexible and capable leader when you know your high and low points.
You have to take total and full responsibility for your actions, beliefs, perspectives, and opinions, and what you bring to the table because that enables you to work with the bad and upgrade the good.
By showing up fully with total acceptance and responsibility for who you are, what you do, and what you bring to the table, you help other people do the same. Immediately, the situation changes, because everyone is aware of themselves and is inspired to do the work to become the better versions of themselves.
Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:
Visit his website. Connect on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Instagram.
Subscribe to his YouTube channel.
BOOK | John Ramstead - On Purpose With Purpose: Discovering How to Live Your Best Life
The Impact Driven Leader YouTube Channel
Join the Impact Driven Leader Community
Connect with Tyler on Instagram and LinkedIn
Emai Tyler: tyler@tylerdickerhoof.com
About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast
The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.
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Work on yourself. Become the better version of yourself, and I’m not saying the best, but just take a step towards it.
John Ramstead
Podcast Transcription
[TYLER DICKERHOOF]
As you know, as you've heard, part of this podcast is also doing the Impact Driven Leader round table. I want you to listen to this quick message, this is an invitation. I want you to come sit at our table. You're going to learn, you're going to grow and you can't help, but have a great time with us. And I invite you. You're listening. There's a seat for you with your name on it. Come join us.
[MOLLY SLOAN]
Hey, this is Molly Sloan. The Impact Driven Leader book club and round table have been transformational for me. I've been involved for the past six months and it's taken me on a journey to be a better leader and a better person at work, at home, and really in every interaction with people. Tyler's done a great job of guiding us through the books. They're current, thought-provoking and they apply to all of us. The weekly round table has become an accountability team. I've done lots of leadership trainings in the past where you feel on top of the world, the week after the event, but ultimately it wears off over time. This group is better. We're on a leadership journey with each other through frequent, ongoing discussions and continual growth. I strongly recommend this group to anyone aiming to continually develop as a leader.
[TYLER]
Welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader podcast. This is your host, Tyler Dickerhoof. So glad you're here. So glad you're listening in. So thankful for you to hear this story from today's guest, John Ramstead. John is a former Navy fighter pilot turned entrepreneur, turned sales, now author, leadership coach, but here's the kicker of it. Twice in his life. He has had major injuries that totally changed the course of what happened next. He lost out on TOPGUN because he got hit in the face with a ball. His life totally changed again, years later, when he had a tragic accident horse riding. I share all that before we get started, just to hear the impact of John's resilience, John's desire and zest for life. And I think as a leader, it's most important that when we can grab ahold of that and help others see the same man, that's when we can accomplish some pretty amazing, amazing feats.
I know it's a journey that I'm on to help others. My purpose is to help other leaders get healthy too. I've had to get healthy, John and I talk a little bit about that, talk about himself and being very vulnerable and open with wingman, as he calls it, those that hold you accountable in life, those that fly in pattern with you that help you through, that you're not competing with because we're all on a path made by us. So I want you to sit back, learn, take notes. You're going to hear some, one amazing stories, but also a lot of great information talking about identity, values, destination, the keys about mentorship. And then as we talked about it, how important it is to have those sitting at a table to hold you accountable? To me, I call it a round table and that's really what we're creating with the Impact Driven Leader community, the book club, the round table. I invite you to check it out, would love to have you be a part of it, but get ready for this interview with John, really conversation on an interview. I hope you get value out of it and I'll catch you at the end.
[TYLER]
All right, John, welcome to the Impact Driven Leader Podcast. So excited to have you, man. I'm so excited for you to share your story about your journey in life, most notably, your book that you just released, but you have an amazing podcast as well. And just a tremendous story. I would label it both discovery, but resilience. Is that something that is probably truthful? Is that well described?
[JOHN RAMSTEAD]
Yes, I think that's very well described. I think my next book Tyler is going to be on resilience.
[TYLER]
Okay. Why is that?
[JOHN]
What I'm finding is, especially the feedback from the book is people have just heard my journey of just these highs and lows, and then repeat the process of higher highs, lower lows with health and career changes and accidents and business failure early on. I just had a call from somebody and she was reading the book and she goes, "How did you keep moving forward because right now with what's going on in my life, I feel absolutely paralyzed and numb? And I read your book and I realized that you never got to that place." We just had this amazing 15 minute conversation and I shared a few things with her that it just helped her, just kind of released her to just take this next small step forward. So I think it's important, man. There's a lot going on in the world right now and I really think there's a, hangover is not the right word, but everything that we've been through in the last year has left their thumbprint on our hearts, our minds in a way that I think a lot of us are still trying to, even though it looks like the sun's coming out, to a lot of us, it doesn't feel like it is.
[TYLER]
Well. I mean, it's said it's coldest when you know dawn is on. It's the coldest part of the day. And I view that some of, kind of the greatest opportunity for leaders is right now before us as all of a sudden, what do we do from this step forward? So let's step back. We'll get into a little bit of your story. There's some great elements of that story. But I want to ask this question. You're a guy from the Midwest as well. You end up in at school in New York like myself. I'm from Ohio, went to New York. You're from Minnesota, went to New York, but where did that resilience, as you just mentioned, the ability to continue just moving forward, moving forward, never, just like laying down, where do you think that came from?
[JOHN]
That's a great question. I was just never willing to give up. I always saw, you know what, I think from when I was younger, I just always had this sense that I was meant to do something that had meaning. The way I think about it now is my words today would be, I want to live a life so the use of my life outlives my life. And I think I had this sense when I was even younger, that I was meant for something that had impact, like you talk about. And when you are in that, so I guess in all of these, I guess valley periods, business, and otherwise, I'm like, well, here's the thing. What choice do we have? I mean, I could just stop and roll over and curl up in the fetal position.
And there's times I probably did that for a period of time, but you know what, I just had to keep, I think here was the key. I've always focused on what that next small step was, especially when there was so much ambiguity, so much uncertainty, so many like weighty consequences to maybe decisions I was making. But I had to keep moving forward. I think part of it might have been my training as a fighter pilot, because if you think about it, when you're in a dog fight, it is like playing three dimensional chess at 400 miles an hour. And anytime that aircraft, you or your opponent moves, it's like the chess board gets reshuffled. You have to learn in that situation. In combat you make a wrong decision. It could cost you or your wingmen their life, but you still have to make a decision. You have to act, you have to observe and then figure out what decision then do I have to make next? And I think just this, maybe this framework of just constantly looking for that next small decision, that next small step I have to take and then just repeat that process until it feels like we're starting to walk back up hill again.
[TYLER]
Yes. I mean, I love that story of being a fighter pilot going through that. And one of your, I guess, great resilient points of life is when you took a ball to the face and that ended your flying career. Go back into that situation to say from this leadership point of view from this, okay, now this chess game has completely changed. What's my next step? And kind of, as you've revisited that and writing your book about purpose, go back to that and how you kind of, what was that next step? What was that next thing you're saying? Okay, I have to move forward? Kind of try to revisit that framework if you can for us.
[JOHN]
Yes. So imagine this, you get a call from your commanding officer to come down to a state room, which is, it's kind of getting called to the principal's office. So this is like usually never a good thing. And I get sat down and then I am told that I've been selected to go to TOPGUN. So dude, like I float out to my commanding officer's office. Like I am fired up beyond belief in that weekend. The ball you're talking about, I was playing softball and I got hit with a line draw in the eye. By the way, that was 25 years ago, I was talking to somebody who's in flight school right now, playing softball as a Navy pilot, as a prohibited activity and they actually told the story about this guy because I had nerve damage to my eye and I was done and I never got my medical back.
I went to TOPGUN, never got to fly there. I actually structured until I got processed out of the Navy. Now at the time, my entire identity, everything about who I was as a Navy officer, as an F14 pilot and all of that had been stripped away. That next two years were, was really hard. I had been in the Navy seven years. So I was a pilot that couldn't fly. I had an engineering degree I'd never use. The only job offer I got, a traditional job offer was to be a test engineer in the basement of a big company. Like no thanks. And the only jobs I could find are sales jobs. And here's the thing though. I was so used to a culture of excellence. Tyler, if you and I were in the squadron, we are constantly, because our lives depend on what we do, challenging each other to be better. We live with integrity. We are all in. Even if you and I were best friends and we would want to go hang out and have a beer, some people in the squadron do that, you still have their back and they have your back.
I got out into business. And I think in my first year, I think I had seven or eight jobs. I would quit like that. When I saw people that didn't have integrity, changed things, went back on their word. I'm just like, I quit. They're like, well, you can't quit. You quit, you're walking away from this huge commission. I'm like, I quit. And I got to tell you, man, it was in, because my identity who I thought I was, had been stripped away, my vision of my life, my purpose, my mission was all about being a lifelong career Naval officer. And I had to rebuild everything from the ground up. Now in this period of time, I got to tell you, I was at a, and this is the gift we can give Doug, other people, especially in our leadership role. But I was in a Barnes & noble looking, I was in the business section. I was looking at all these books that looked like foreign titles to me.
I remember I picked a book called The Fifth Discipline, because there was something in the subtitle that appealed to me. And I started reading the book and I'm like, this book is horrible. It's like, is this what business books are all about? Like, it was terrible. But in that, though I met a guy. He was there picking up, I can't remember what book he was buying and we started chatting. He goes, "Well, let's go grab coffee." He sat down and started mentoring me. He was the president of the whole school district or whatever that title is. Then he introduced me to his mentor. He had a mentor who was one of the top attorneys in San Diego. These guys started spending time with me like, John, what are you good at? What do you want to do next? What gets you excited?
They helped me refine who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted my marriage to look like, what wanted to do in business. And that gave me the focus to then move back to Minnesota and start my first company. Had they not reached out like Tyler, this is what 26 years ago. I'm in touch with all three of those folks. And I credit today, my faith, my success, the fact that I'm still married 31 years to my wife, to somebody going out of their way to sew into me. And think about right now, you talked about at the beginning with everything that's happened in the world, we have the opportunity in a leadership role. Even if you're a peer or you're new in an organization, we still have that ability to have this positive in influence in other people. But I believe everybody listening right now, what if you were just that person, like I think of with this guy, Jeff, 26 years later? What if you were just that kind of person in the life of just one other person?
[TYLER]
As I mentioned to you when we get started, I got to adjust to get a little bit more comfortable because now we're getting into this. And I love how we're taking this conversation, your experience and how that caveat of mentorship changed your life. And to me, as I look at evolving leadership and my idea of what healthy leadership is is that blend of empathy and that desire to help others accomplish more, which is really emphasized in mentorship. And I heard a story in preparation for this. To me this is just my thought and I'm going to share it and I want you to correct it. I heard a story about when you went into the Navy and you went into flight school and as you're preparing and as you were getting there, you were kind of challenged to say, hey, find out who the best guy is and go find out what he's doing. And as I heard that story, in my mind, what I heard is you were conditioned right then and there to go seek mentorship. Do you feel like that was the case, whether you realized it or not? Because to me, that's a, if we are conditioning ourselves and others to seek mentorship, then it's no longer about competition. It is, hey, how can I stand on your shoulders?
[JOHN]
Yes. So what you're referring to is think about this. This is 1988 that I'm heading down to flight school. TOPGUN had come out in 1986. So anybody that had an inkling toward being a Navy fighter pilot was applying. Well, just see, anyone that was single, male, they wanted to go run on the beach. They wanted to be a TOPGUN pilot. Let's be honest.
[TYLER]
That's right.
[JOHN]
They wanted to play volleyball with their shirt off, [crosstalk].
[TYLER]
To ride a motorcycle.
[JOHN]
He had to wear the shirt. But we were told right now there's so much interest. One in every 10,000 people that apply across all the different ways, the Navy has to bring pilots in is going to end up flying a fighter. I'm like, what did I just do? Like what did I just sign up for myself for? And I was like, kind of stressing out before heading down to Pensacola to start flight training. My dad pulled me aside. And honestly, Tyler, this is some of the best advice I've ever had in my life. He said, "Listen, there's going to be somebody down there, the ACE of the base. He's going to be tearing it up. He's going to be a student. He's going to be ahead of you in the classes," because my dad understood how the Navy worked. "So he is not competing with you." So he said, "Go buy him a beer and ask him what he's doing and see if he'll share with you."
That guy's name was John Foster and he was doing stuff different than everybody else, how he was working, the extra work that he was doing, how he was preparing. And he shared with me. Here's kind of the framework that I pulled out of that; is go figure out what you want to do in life. What is that goal? For me at the time it was to number one, because I knew if I graduated number one, I could actually choose what I got to fly. Only one person gets that. If you're a number two in your class, you could get cargo planes because there's something called quality spread. They need good pilots in all the communities. So first of all, go figure out what they did. And then what is the plan? And then ask yourself a question, are you willing to do what they did to get those results? And then if the answer is yes and you're going to ask for mentorship, then you need to be all in and committed to taking those steps, successes or failures and keep moving forward regardless. And you know what? So you have to count cost before you start. And as I've gotten into business and built companies from startups to companies that were absorbed by big Fortune 100 companies that has been my approach and mindset all the way through
[TYLER]
Find that person just ahead of you and just ask them, say, "Hey, how are you doing this? What are you doing?" And then glean for him that things that you can apply in whatever you're trying to accomplish.
[JOHN]
Well, yes, like here's an example. I'll never forget this because my friends thought I was nuts, but I got introduced to a guy. He was a customer of mine at a retail company I had, a billionaire, and he wanted to mentor me and he bring me onto his team. Like he saw something to me at the time I wasn't seeing in myself and I got to know him. And guess what? He was on his third wife that was not going well. He did not have a relationship with his kids and I applied that same thing. I said, you know what? If I learned from him, I'm going to get what he has. I could be wealthy and alone. So is this somebody that I want to let into my world and allow him mentor me? And I passed on that and he was not happy and my friends were absolutely dumbfounded.
Like, "Well, just don't do some of the stuff that he's doing. I'm like, "No dude, to get that level of success, he's made choices that he's going to, I'm going to learn how to think how he thinks." That's not how I want to think. That's not what's important to me. And I passed on that. And I, so I think when you're looking for mentorship, you have to look at all the results. I call it being a fruit inspector. You got to look at the whole tree and say what is this what I want to replicate in my life? But when you find somebody that has in their, let's say business excellence, they're making a difference in the world in a cause, they have a great marriage, their kids love them, whatever those things that are important to you, man now you count the cost. And then that is a great way to find a mentor. And when somebody does agree to mentor you, I think we have a responsibility to actually communicate, take action on what they suggest. Like if I come back to a mentor a few times with the same question over and over and over, like today, when I mentor other people, I'm thinking this is not going to probably work out long term.
[TYLER]
Well, I mean, it shows how invested they are. But I want to go back because I think you in your book, On Purpose With Purpose, you identify three key points. It is identity, values and destination. What I want to focus on from what you just said is how important it is for not only yourself to identify values, but also to see the values in others. What values do they profess and say, is there alignment? Now I can sit here, and I believe in it. As I'm framing this up, John, I could go through, "Hey, these are my five values." And you could say, "Okay, Tyler, I have two of those top five, but I have three different ones." And I can say, "Oh, okay, I get that John. Those three are in my next five. They're may be not as high, but I appreciate that."
And we just have a little different alignment, but it's not polar opposites. And I think as you mentioned earlier, that importance is as one being a leader, to have those identified and say, this is how I carry myself so when others see me, they know that of me, but then two be able to recognize and others, hey, there's either congruence or incongruence. And I think you bring up such a great point as a leader. It's be that leader that you want others to follow too. And if you're saying, Hey, do, as I say, don't do as I do, that doesn't work in parenting and it doesn't work in business. So I love how you bring that up in values. And I'd love for you to dig a little bit deeper as you talk about it in your book, but in this context, why is that, in your mind so important?
[JOHN]
Values are at the core. Think about it. When we really understand our core values, not the ones that we think we should have, I'll just tell people right now, here's how you might know that you are not in alignment like Tyler said. When you have to make a decision and it's really difficult, or you feel stressed or you feel anxiety, or maybe in certain situations, they are stressful to you and they're not comfortable, I'd be willing to guess that there is something that's out of alignment in that situation with who you really are. I really think these core values are wired into us. And when I get into coaching Tyler, just as an example, when I'm working with a leader and we identify these core values and we're looking at is, are things in my life in alignment, now, right before my accident, as an example, I was living under the tyranny of they. What they thought my values should be in certain situations, how they defined success, how they, all these things.
And I described that place as smoldering discontent. Now one of my top values is family, my marriage, my kids. Now I'm working 60 to 70 hours a week. I'm traveling three to five days a week and I justified everything because I'm laying the foundation. I was not, sometimes I think it's okay to be intentionally out of balance. I dude, I was just out of balance and no wonder things were so stressful at that time because I wasn't aware that, hey, this is a core value and I was not structuring what I was doing in the world in alignment with really what's important to me. Integrity, I'm all about integrity, but fun, sometimes in sales and these situations like you just have to push the boundaries to make your bonus. I never felt like I ever did anything on that, but man, there was people around.
I quit a job because one of my coworkers was constantly pushing the boundary and I didn't want to be associated with it. And I had spoken up about it. But all these things caused the stress, but also our identity. You talked earlier about competing. And I think that is absolutely key. What we need to do as leaders is learn to compete with the best version of who we are and not compare ourself to others because we don't know our core values. It's going to be really easy for me to maybe compare myself to a coworker or to another CEO or to another entrepreneur. A friend of mine is a sports performance coach. He works with some of the top athletes in the NBA and the MLB. He said, the number one killer of performance is comparing yourself to others. Number one.
And the only way that I can compete with the best version of myself is to actually, this is how I frame it up, but right, who is the person in the mirror? And then who is that person that God created me to be? What does he see when he looks at me? And what I realized was that gap was enormous. So looking at my values, my passions, my talents, my skills, I went into this deep dive of understanding who the best version of John was and what I could start to do small little things to start closing that gap. And here's what happened in doing that, all of that anxiety and that stress and that angst just melted away. What I should do next, that purpose, that mission for me was crystal clear. And I'd always tried to do it backwards first, if that makes sense.
I got to go figure out my purpose and my calling and my mission then I can become that person that can succeed in that work. And I honestly always felt like it was like this buried treasure like I wasn't worthy of figuring it out. So as a guy, like it was my motto. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm going to outwork everybody, which led to some serious problems because that is how I showed up. I got great results, but I was miserable. And when I flipped the script and said, okay, who am I, then figure out what am I meant to do, it's like the path just, the fog lifted on getting clarity on where to move.
[TYLER]
So you mentioned a piece there is we reflected back to that competition and one of the things that you've talked about and is so important is finding that wingman. You had a wingman when you were flying and finding that wingman that you work with or accountability partner or those that are maybe kind of running parallel as an accountability, whatever. Could you go through, in your opinion, both one, flying fighter jets in the Navy, what worked and what doesn't work? But then when we talk about this in our professional lives, what works and what doesn't work, as being the best leader that we can be in reflection of that having that wingman?
[JOHN]
Well, a wingman is different than a mentor. Now think about this. Let's just say that you and I have just done a lot of work together. A wingman is somebody that you really trust enough to really share some of your goals. So as an example, I got some feedback from my mentor that John you show up in certain situations as somebody who is very arrogant. You can be really sarcastic. You have certain people, mostly athletic guys, because that's kind of my background that you totally gel with and the other parts of your team feel excluded. You got to fix that stuff if you ever want to get a promotion. This was very hard for me to hear because this was out of sync with how I saw myself. It wasn't nice, but honestly it was one of the kindest things that somebody could say to me.
So there's a difference. Now that's my mentor. But when I realized I got to make some changes, I got some anger issues from some things when I was younger and I had a couple really close friends that I went and I said, "Buddy, I'm going to be working on this stuff. Can I share that with you? Can I give you permission to check in and say, Hey, how did work go today, when we get together and maybe have a drink or get together for lunch?" And I over time realized I didn't have any of those relationships for me, with other guys where I could really share some of those things that I wanted to be working on because I know like, let's say that you and I like, okay, Tyler, I'm working on my anger issues. And I know I come across this way with people and I need to get better.
And man, "Hey, what are you working on? What can I help with?" Like we're talking about having real conversations with people that are really peers. And unfortunately, because I ask people this, how many men, like when I do workshops and stuff and we do an anonymous poll? How many people do you have in your life that you think could be actually, you trust enough to be in that role? Most people answer between zero and two. Think about that. The thing is since I didn't have people like that, I had to actually go out and intentionally build those relationships to really have somebody that was a wingman because in the military you share everything. And when we debriefed from a flight, if I messed up, it was debriefed in front of the entire squadron, in the debrief area where we'd all sit and everybody got to hear the conversation. I mean there was no hiding because our lives depended on it. And I always knew though, everybody there was sharing this because they wanted me to be the best that I can be and they wanted my feedback, my input so that they can improve. So that's really where the concept wingman came in and something I've intentionally had to work at for the last 20 is to develop those kind of relationships.
[TYLER]
So as part of my journey and growth, I believe that point that you just made is probably one of the most pivotal adjustments that leaders can make. You know, for me, it was very much being alone on an island. I'm Enneagram eight, I have strengths that are dominant, I can be intense. I'm learning more and more every day how to use those and a big part of that is you mentioned that pushes people away. Well, my intention is never to push people away. It's really to bring people in. So I've had to really grow through that. And as a part of that, my transformation has been by sitting at that table with others, is to open it up and have those discussions and say, "Hey, help me here."
And I think, I mean, that's why I feel called to do what I'm doing now is creating those tables, saying, "Hey, let's get around and talk to each other. Let's create this community where we can, especially generationally as I see this major opportunity in this generation of bridging the gap between these different leadership environments." So as you bring that up and as I sit here and I hope the audience listening can grasp that is to me, that growth and having those to sit at your table that you can share and that share back at you is one of the most pivotal decisions you'll make in leadership development and growth, because I think that's what comes back and starts to fix what's broken in leadership today. And I know you've mentioned that and you've spoke about that and I'd love to kind of jump off there, is we have this leadership deficit today whether some people realize it or not, and I know you have identified that ---
[JOHN]
I think everybody realizes it.
[TYLER]
Well, and hey, the first key in fixing any problem is realizing there's a problem. If there's no problem, then you don't know that you need to fix it. Now the real job becomes fixing that. And I think that's where too often is when there's too many solutions to the problem really nothing gets done in saying, "Hey, what's most effective?" So I'd love to hear from you kind of taking that. We're going from mentorship and values and those sitting around you with your wingman and saying, how does that all then tie into based upon your purpose and all these thing to me, gelling together, really coming and saying, "Hey, how do we fix this problem that's before us? Or how do we even create such a culture where we're not having to fix it because it's broken where it was just done right?" So what, in your mind, and in your heart, as you believe that you've gone through the lessons that you've gone through, what does that show you going forward? What is that vision that you see? I know that was a lot. I see you taking notes. I appreciate that. That was a lot packed into a 32nd ramble, but I really want to hear how all that ties together for you.
[JOHN]
I agree with you, Tyler, that the leadership industry has let us down. We spend actually, the research I did for my book blew me away in America. This just in the US, the last decade, we've averaged 24 billion a year in leadership training. You look at the data from Gallup, engagement and employee satisfaction, everything has not even ticked anywhere. As a matter of fact, it's gone down a little bit and here's where I think the leadership industry does us a district. They focus on the why, the what and the how. Those are very important. Underneath that, it's foundational. It is who, who you are. We talked about mentorship. I could sit here and tuck in under Tyler and say, "Dude, will you be my wingman and my mentor, can we like, I want to build a business. I want to hit these goals."
You could give me your best stuff and I might not get the results of other people. You're mentoring. And guess what, because I'm running it through a flawed person, my preconceptions, my limiting beliefs. I'm not in touch with my core values. And I'm telling you folks, you start there and if you ever wonder why, and here's part of this was hard for me because I've been very frustrated at times. I had to take 100% in total personal responsibility for the outcomes I had in my life, the relation that I had, how I thought, my beliefs and my actions. And I said, okay, I got to own this. I don't like my team, and then guess what, it was really easy to say, well it's because of the boss or it's because of this guy or this person. I'm like, no, John, what have you done to create that dynamic that you know that you don't like?
It's easy to say, well it's not me. But when I looked in the mirror and I said, okay, who do I need to be to just influence this dynamic? And here, I want to just tell people, the power of one. You want to change the leadership crisis? Work on yourself, become a better version of yourself. I'm not saying the best, but just take a step toward it and then when you do that, just how you interact you will see your influence in the lives of other people be absolutely amplified. When people see, you start to make some positive changes, how you show up, the words, you have, your attitudes, your beliefs toward certain things. It could be change and it doesn't matter. It could be remote working or they want me to come back into an office right now. You might be the guy that's constantly complaining about the boss and how they rolled something out.
Guess what? You're part of the problem. I had to realize. I was part of the problem when we do that, we can help other people. And just think about this. What if you, as a single person over the next two years were able to work on yourself and have a positive impact on a hundred people where they go, "Wow, Tyler, I'm going to make some changes because there's something about that guy." And those hundred people then have a sphere of influence. What if they touched a hundred people? Now you have 10,000 people that over, let's say two or three years have the potential to be impacted because you started making changes right at your own desk. And what if now those 10,000 people are inspired because they're also seeing mother positive in the change to touch another a hundred people? That's a million people.
So we started this Tyler two years ago called project 100. My thing was, could I, as an individual have an impact on a million people? And we've been measuring it and we're actually well over 2 million people, three years into it. So I want to give people hope that you have all the authority and all the influence you need to actually change. But what it takes is just start with yourself and what you do have control over. And that is your relationships at work and at home or at church or down where you volunteer. Wherever they are right now, that's where you start. And in that you start small and in small beginnings, epic things can happen.
[TYLER]
Yes, absolutely. That's been very much an experience that I've been able to walk through. That's been an experience that mentors have shared with me as well. And I love that and it starts with that identity, it starts with finding those values and then matching that up with the mentors, with the wingman. But one of the pieces that I think you mentioned in your book and I loved when I saw this and I think this ties into it, you got to ask the most important question. You got to ask the most important question of yourself to say, how can I show up and lead today and what is it going to take to be that? So I think when you ask that and then you start to identify, oh, what's my true identity? What are my real use? Who's with me? Where are we going? Are we going the same path or I got that all wrong as opposed to, as you mentioned earlier, working for they; just trying to, hey, whatever the other people, oh X, Y, Z popular person on social media, X, Y whatever it may be, they think you should have this or that.
So I'm going to chase after that. It's like, but does that matter to you? Does that fit your values? The people that follow them is that the people you want to lead and if not, then you probably shouldn't follow them as you so astutely identified and mentioned earlier. And again, I love how all of this fits together, because it is very systemic, but yet it's not easy.
[JOHN]
No, it's not easy. And this is a great place to start for folks. So here's a very important question I think people could easily themselves. A, because this kind of starts into the realm of per that personal responsibility is just look at your world and your life and some of your goals, maybe with your company or with your team or individually. And what is the one thing, the one small thing that right now that if you worked in that area and made a small improvement would increase your influence and your impact as a leader in an area that's important to you right now? Like if you actually wrote that down, took some time and said, "Okay, here is one thing. This is a place that I'm going to start."
Maybe you come up with a whole list. Well, guess what? Just pick one or which one bubbles to the top and says if I got a little bit better here, it might make the other ones easier. Second step, step two is say, what is something you could do literally in the next 24 hours, that is an action step that you could then go, this isn't a giant win, but I did better. I was a little gooder and you can go to your buddy and say, you trying to celebrate something with you. Like, this might not seem like a big deal because as we start to work on this and we understand what those priorities are, I'm kind of a born people pleaser, especially with how hard I've worked. Here's something I've had to realize is whenever I said yes, I was saying no to something else.
And I had to learn to say yes to things that were going to move me forward and what I wanted to accomplish as a business leader, as a husband, as a father. And not like you mentioned again, like all those other expectations in going through a process like this, having a framework and actually looking at your to-do list and your calendar and going, oh, that doesn't belong there. No, that shouldn't be the top of the list. Man. I got to tell you, that was liberating when I started saying no to some things.
[TYLER]
Yes, that's a massive lesson for leaders. And this is what I'd have to say as I have learned that it is something that I have to keep coming back to because all of a sudden, even when you identify your purposes is I've been lucky enough, I think in the last month or two to finally figure that out after a couple years of searching, is there are things that fit that, but yet maybe not right now. And it's being willing to say no to great ideas, in order that you can say yes to amazing ideas. And I'm learning that again right now. And it's things that I'm doing that are exciting that are really purposeful in serving yet. It's like, "Hey, you got to say no to great ideas so you have the time to make sure that amazing ideas actually end up amazing."
So I appreciate you bringing that up as that's a lesson that I think a lot of leaders need to go through and learn if they haven't. So as we wrap up, we haven't got into probably the second biggest life changing event. And I want to touch on that real quick from a standpoint of, we talked earlier about getting hit in the face with a ball and I'd have to say this tendency of head injuries kind of showed up. And if it were me, I'd say, hey, you were that hard headed where God had to break, open your brain in order to get to you. I'm not saying that about you. I'd say that about me.
[JOHN]
Oh, I think it's true though. I'm okay with that.
[TYLER]
Okay. Oh, well, you said it. One of the things that I noted, and this was my own personal experience, and I want to bring this because I sense this, there's a certain amount of, at our lowest confidence is when we really find our greatest purpose, because it's no longer on what we can do. It is we have to turn our hands up and say, I got to let go of this and God direct me. And as a person of faith and having gone through that journey, you want to walk through a little bit one that experience, but then also maybe layer in that idea of here I am. I'm on top of the world. I'm doing great things. I think I have all of this figured out and bam, my life gets reset and now of a sudden I have to figure out where do I go differently?
[JOHN]
Yes. So nine years ago I was at a retreat for a nonprofit that I was doing some work with. I'm on a horse because, and we were going to go horseback riding to go have lunch. All of a sudden, my horse just bolts and takes off and accelerates to a flat out gallop and we're heading straight as the steel fence. And I couldn't get him to turn, I couldn't get him to slow down and we're getting closer and he's going faster. I remember right in front of the fence from thinking to myself, I was absolutely in terror. Like I've been in combat and shot at but like nothing eclipses this. I'm thinking this is not going to end well and that's the last thing I remember. So this horse goes straight into a fence. I don't know what the horse was thinking. He bucked so hard. He flipped over and landed on the ground, on the side and slammed into the fence. When he did that, he launched me, Superman, head first into a three-inch rolled steel beam.
I completely crushed the entire left side of my skull. I broke every bone in my skull, except my jaw and my right cheekbone. I broke my neck in multiple places. I shattered my shoulder and then the next part I crushed my rib cage. One of the broken ribs punctured my lung. We found out later Tyler from multiple doctors what happened to me is medically not survivable. I mean, first of all, there was just so much brain damage. I want to describe it all as bad. But I woke up on the ground and the more pain that I could ever describe to anybody and I'm screaming and yelling, and rather than try to get away from this pain, people were holding me down. Thank goodness, or I probably would have severed my spinal cord. And all of a sudden, one of the guys said, "John, I just watched you relaxed. So completely looked like you were sinking into the ground."
He thought he had just watched me die, but it was in that moment I was in God's presence. And what I felt was the most intense, unconditional love. It's almost beyond words because I remember laying there with my body crushed. The first thought I had it crossed my mind is I'm not worthy of somebody loving me like this. And as this washed over me, all the pain and panic and fear was completely gone. And then God spoke to me as I'm laying there. It was a voice that came from everywhere and nowhere at the same time and He said, all things work together for good for those that love the Lord. Any of the Bible readers out there will recognize that from Romans. I had no clue where that came from at the time, just being real.
Then He told me he was going to heal me and use it for His glory. And then I woke up and I told everybody God's basically God, He left. He was standing next to me. Pretty crazy. There's so much we could unpack in that, but I'll never forget. Let me just share this with you though, because I was in ICU for five weeks and then I was at a hospital here in Denver for 20 months with a severe traumatic brain injury, 23 surgeries that removed my skull twice, two craniotomies and facial reconstruction and implants, I mean, you name it. No spinal cord damage, which the doctors absolutely couldn't fathom. So here's one memory though that really put things in focus though. This is a few days after the accident. The doctor comes in, this is before the first craniotomy, he's a neurosurgeon.
I had post-traumatic amnesia because the head injury was so bad. Those five weeks, I literally have three memories. This is one of them. And Dr. Van Gilder, in red stitching, neurosurgeon comes in and it starts talking to my wife about this craniotomy and what I'm hearing is the chances of a really good outcome are not good. And the chances of me being the person she remembered after the surgery are not promising. And then he looks at my wife and says, "Does John have a will and does he have a living will?" We'd actually just redone our whole estate plan, Tyler and we were actually supposed to sign it after I got back from this trip. I was up in Montana. Our family lives in Denver. My wife had come up from Denver and I hear her explain this to him.
He goes, "Well, do this. Call the attorney right now. I want it FedEx up here or faxed up here so John can sign it before we do surgery. I think it's going to be important." And like they leave. She goes to call the attorney. The doctor goes to do what doctor's do, and I'm laying there in bed. Even though I just had this experience in God's presence I was convinced of one thing that next weekend was my funeral. I mean, so I started playing. And at first it felt pretty good because guess what, you start envisioning other people at the front of the church saying all these nice things, but that's what you do at a funeral. You don't invite the guy to speak who's going to be tell it like, it really is, if you know what I'm saying.
Then I started thinking, hey, what would the conversations be in the back of the church when everybody's rooting around for the fried chicken and potato salad and what would some of these close friends of mines, fraternity brothers, business partners say one and two and three years down the road? Would I be like, some of those people that have been in my life that just had a transformational impact or would I be just like, "He was a good guy, worked hard. What a bummer. What was his wife's name again?" And I got to tell you, dude, I was so convicted laying there. And I started thinking of two concepts, A inheritance. The first thing I thought of is Donna and the kids going to be okay, money, insurance and all this stuff. And I went through that whole process and I started thinking about legacy.
Had I lived the life so the use of my life would outlive my life? And what I started thinking of a legacy is what I leave in other people, not to other people. And I'm like, what if I left in my wife, in my kids, in this world that'd be meaningful, especially from what I call it kingdom perspective or with what God's doing in the world? And I think He's all over the stuff going on in business but that's when I realized that if I do get the second chance, which I was given, I had complete power and authority to rewrite my script. And one of the things that I did as I recovered, as I wrote that obituary, I wrote the obituary that I want my wife, each one of my boys, my business partners, my close friends to give and I have never shared it with any single one of them.
But I have shared it with my wingman. And I say like let's say that's you Tyler and be like, "Tyler, I give you permission to hold me accountable to that or ask me about that." Like one of the things in there, because this is not how my wife felt before the accident is that I want her to say someday in my funeral is that I always felt like the most loved woman in the world. That I hung the moon. Because there's days that's not me. I'm just being real. My buddy calls me up and say, "Hey, does Donna feel like the most loved woman today?" I'm like, "Dude, why don't you call it a day?" I'm like, "All right. How about this? Why don't I promise to get back to you tonight before dinner?"
Because I realized you know what, I didn't live up to that today. That is the power I think of real. And guess what? In that, here's something to share maybe as we're kind of landing the plane a little bit. I was given this amazing second chance. Like I literally should not be here. And also two months ago I had such severe COVID they did not expect me to survive, like hospitalized, everything. To totally heal today, it's a whole nother story. It'll be in my resilience book, but here's something I realized is guess what? Every single day before this accident, when I woke up in the morning was a second chance, but I never understood it. I never realized it. And I want to tell everybody out there listening, guess what? This morning when you woke up, it is your second chance to be the man, the woman, the leader, the husband, the wife, whatever you like is on your heart.
When you lay up at night and you stare at the ceiling and you're just daydreaming about the potential of what could be, you have the power to take advantage of that second chance tomorrow morning. Even if it's just a small step toward it, you have the power to rewrite your script. And in that I think is where I've found the hope to keep moving through some of my darkest days because I wasn't convinced that maybe tomorrow would be better or maybe next week, but I was kind of confident that next month could be better. And it was, honestly Tyler, it was that mindset that allowed me to just keep moving forward into the second chance and see it as a gift and not as a burden or an obligation as I've talked to other people that have had similar circumstances.
[TYLER]
Well first off, thank you so much for sharing that. It's powerful in so many ways and it also then wraps up everything else that we talked about to me in a much bigger, more powerful box. And I think that's, what's important. So again, thank you for sharing that. I've had a wonderful conversation. I hope our listeners have gotten great value out of it. I know I have, I know I've written quite a few notes to go on top of everything that I've learned and prepping for this and reading your book. And I'm excited not only for others to read this book, I think is great, but as well, I'm excited to read your next book and I thank you so much for this time today, John. Anything else you want to close with?
[JOHN]
Well, thank you for what you're doing, Tyler. Through our leadership, that influence honors, that is we can make an an eternal impact in this world. And that impact that we can have as a single individual is so much greater than I ever understood until I really started working with leaders, whether it's my 17 year old son or a CEO of a Fortune 50 company. So I just want to encourage people to figure out what that one thing is, take a small step, and when you figure out that small step, tell a friend. You just start with those little things and you'll look back a year from now and you're going to be like, nice. How's that?
[TYLER]
That's awesome. Love it. Thank you, John. Appreciate your time and make sure in our show notes and afterwards everyone gets connected with you. So we appreciate the opportunity to chat today.
[JOHN]
Yes. Thanks Tyler. You're awesome, man. Keep rocking.
[TYLER]
Thank you.
As John shared the story, what happened on that horse riding event in Montana, I couldn't help, but get a little emotional from the standpoint of myself. It's as I go about having this podcast, being able to get to know stories like John's. I mean, that's why I do this and I love it because I get to learn, but I hope you as well, listening in, get to hear a perspective and you yourself get to ask the question. What have I left in others rather than for others? If you're to do as he did, write that obituary and give it to a wingman and have them remind you, "Hey, does your wife feel like she is the most loved woman in the world today?" Or maybe your children or maybe your coworkers or maybe your parents, or maybe anyone in your life do they feel like they are the most love if they are important to you?
Man, that's a challenge. I think all of us can undertake. I know I certainly need to get better at that. I doubt my wife today feels like the most loved woman, but I can by the end of the day, make sure she does. So I encourage you take something from this interview, just that one thing. What's that one thing that you can do to be a little bit better? I know you can do it. And I'm here with you.
I'd love for you to do this. Email me, tyler@tylerdickerhoof.com. Tell me what that one thing is. If you got value out of today's episode, I'd love for you to share John's story. So share this podcast, share it with others, direct them to it. At the same point, if you got value out of it, give me a rating and review. Let me know how we're doing. Let me know if you enjoy these podcasts, what value you're getting out of it, because that's why I do this, to add value to people, to learn and to grow and to learn and grow together. So thank you for being here again for another episode of the Impact Driven Leader podcast. Until next time. Thanks again.
