IDL92 Season 2: Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership
Is your leadership adaptable? Why are great leaders both stubborn and open-minded? Can you embrace mistakes as opportunities?
I’m excited to kick off a new month in the IDL roundtable - and excited to share a new book with you, The Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership by Tim Elmore. Today I’m going to walk through the book without revealing too much - I’d love for you to pick it up yourself and let me know what you think!
Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership
Embracing the Conflicting Demands of Today’s Workplace
IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:
The Eight Paradoxes - 02:05
Progress moves forward - 03:17
The relationship age - 12:59
The Eight Paradoxes
The eight paradoxes of uncommon leaders that make great leadership are:
1 – Uncommon leaders balance both confidence and humility.
2 – Uncommon leaders leverage both their vision and their blind spots.
3 – They embrace both visibility and invisibility.
4 – They are both stubborn and open-minded.
5 – They are both deeply personal and inherently collective.
6 – Uncommon leaders are both teachers and learners.
7 – They model high standards and gracious forgiveness.
8 – Uncommon leaders are both timely and timeless.
Progress moves forward
If leaders today discuss the past and the desire to go “back to the old ways” of leadership, they will not succeed.
True leaders know that change is inevitable as well as vital to keep momentum, progress, and in creating sustainable success.
The relationship age
The world of business has changed from the scientific age to the relationship age.
It used to be all about IQ, the facts, the promises, and the results.
Today, on the back of the scientific, it has developed a relational aspect, where EQ, vulnerability, values, and compassion are central.
Resources, books, and links mentioned in this episode:
BOOK | Tim Elmore – The Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership: Embracing the Conflicting Demands of Today's Workplace
Email Tyler: tyler@tylerdickerhoof.com
Check out the Practice Of the Practice
Visit theimpactdrivenleader.com and sign up for the workshop!
About the Impact Driven Leader Podcast
The Impact Driven Leader Podcast, hosted by Tyler Dickerhoof, is for Xillennial leaders who have felt alone and ill-equipped to lead in today's world. Through inspiring interviews with authors from around the world, Tyler uncovers how unique leadership strengths can empower others to achieve so much more, with real impact.
Rate, review and subscribe here on Apple Podcasts or subscribe on Stitcher and Spotify.
Leaders need to acknowledge their blind spots instead of hiding from them and trying to make it out that they don’t have them.
Tyler Dickerhoof
Podcast Transcription
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (00:10):
Hey there. Welcome back to the Impact Driven Leader podcast. This is your host, Tyler Dickerhoof. Excited to be kicking off a new month in our book club round table, get to introduce a book to you that I'm excited to read, I'm excited to share with everyone. Man, I can't wait for the conversations that are come coming from this book. Before I get there, I want to highlight, I will be doing a special workshop November 14th and 15th, online workshop. You can go to access that, go to theimpactdrivenleader.com. It's also in the show notes. You can also go to my website. There's a banner to get into that workshop as well. Two hours each day. We want to really walk through this idea of fears and insecurities, and now it's holding us back from being a leader, from being the leader that you're able to be. Or maybe your questioning is, like, my fears and insecurities are holding me back from even thinking about being a leader. It's the place for you. Again, November 14th and 15th, would love to see you join in. Can't wait live interactive workshop.
(01:17):
But let's talk about this book. Let's talk about the eight paradoxes of great leadership, this book by Tim Elmore. Yes, forgive Me for the Mirror. Excited to go through this today. I'm going to walk through this book. I'm going to walk through all the elements of it, but then I'm going to finish up, wrap up. I'm not going to leave too much here for you, because I want you to grab the book, read the book, and enjoy it and talk to somebody. If you are part of the round table, you're listening, great, can't wait to discuss this with you. If you're not part of the book club, you're going to get great prompts that are going to deepen your level of learning, help you awaken, grow, and lead, or pick it up on your own. I encourage you to read this book by yourself and with others. Make sure you discuss it with them.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (02:05):
Here are the eight paradoxes that Tim lays out in this book. Number one, uncommon leaders balance both confidence and humility. Paradox two, uncommon leaders leverage both their vision and their blind spots. Paradox three, uncommon leaders embrace both visibility and invisibility. Paradox four, uncommon leaders are both stubborn and open-minded. Number five, uncommon leaders are both deeply personal, inherently collective. Number six, uncommon leaders are both teachers and learners. Paradox seven, uncommon leaders model both high standards and gracious forgiveness. Then lastly, paradox number eight, uncommon leaders are both timely and timeless.
(02:52):
Now, as I read through those paradoxes, and as I've gone through this book and studied this book and analyzed and thought about this book and why I believe this is a timely book to speak about, much like many of the guests that I've had were in this world today were like, what is leadership? In 2022, going into 2023, as I've heard my mentors share that if a leader tells you today, I'm just itching to get back to normal, back to normal leadership, back to our normal business flow, they're kidding themselves and they're killing everyone, kidding everyone else who they lead. The reality is we'll never get back to normal. Every day forward is an establishment of a new normal and a new requirement for leaders to embrace where they're at and not just hopeful to get back to something that was familiar.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (03:50):
Here's the reality, is no leader today has led with the conditions that was faced that everyone faced the last two years. It's very unique in our society. Here we've gone through times and yes, we've had cyclical changes in our economy. We've had natural disasters, we've had different sociological issues, but never once in our history did we have one time period, the Covid pandemic of 2020, 2021 and 2022 now that has affected every spot in the world. There's no one place that's unaffected. So that really challenges the modern leader to say, how do I lead? I think Tim in the process of writing this book, it released last year, and he shares a lot of these challenges in the covid pandemic that leaders had to face. That's why these paradoxes ring true, because the modern leader really are the paradoxes of this book.
(04:56):
In one sense, our world expects leaders to be confident, visionary, acceptingly, accepting them to be stubborn. They expect them to be personal, they expect them to have high standards, yet we understand as we moved in this modern leadership, we have to embrace the flip side. We have to gain, our leaders have to be humble. They can't know it all. We simply distrust them. We've seen that now happen to us. Leaders need to acknowledge their blind spots instead of hiding from them and trying to make it out that they don't have them. Leaders need to understand their ability to be invisible. It doesn't need to be about them. They don't need to be the spotlight of the show. Make those on their team or those who they serve the spotlight. They need to be open-minded.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (05:53):
Every day is a new day. We have new challenges, and if we're expecting to get back to what worked maybe 18 months, three years ago, five years ago, it's not going to work. We need to understand, as leaders, we have to be collective. We have to work with a lot of different people with different beliefs and different ideas and different values because that's our society today. Next, we need to be able to teach and learn. We can't expect people to just know. The expectation for people to know is arrogance because you expect someone else to have taught them. At the same point, leaders need to be willing to learn and say, Hey, what's not working? What can we do to change to make it work? Then we need to have gracious forgiveness, allowing those that are around us to make mistakes and feel safe and embrace mistakes as an opportunity to grow and learn.
(06:53):
Lastly, the ability for leaders to be timeless. It's not about the here and now. It's not chasing the profits of this month, this quarter or this annual year. It's saying, how can we do things so we still exist a year from now? So we're doing things that help us exist three and five and 10 years from now. If we're just so focused on the finite, well then our impact will be pretty finite instead of realizing what can we uniquely do to serve people. See, I've shared with this, and hopefully you've picked it up in podcast, my belief in my experience is that real strength comes from the leader's ability to be vulnerable. It's accepting that we have missteps, we have weaknesses, we have blind spots. Those are all part of the human person. Leaders aren't exempt of that. So when they try to hide or put on this mask that it's not there, then they're allowing their insecurity to take over.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (08:03):
No one in this world is going to follow an insecure leader very long or by choice because the real strength comes from authentic vulnerability. It's being that vulnerable example that allows everyone we lead, we interact with become the best that they can be, to use their strengths, their unique abilities to serve an organization. The reality is people want to be led by others who care for them. It's what's shown up continually in our society. We gravitate towards leaders who first connect and care. Then after that, oh, let me, I will let you guide me. I will let you help me. I will let you influence me, but not if you don't care. That's where we've evolved in this idea of leadership. It's where Tim, in his book, the Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership we're talking about describes the healthy poet, gardener, leader, a leader who not only listens and understands to discern, but then gardens by taking all that information and appropriately applying the amount of care and candor and information and tools so the most can come of it.
(09:35):
See, leadership is about being in the dance. it's this idea that I'm on the dance floor, I'm with other people, I'm dancing and other people are following my example and they're dancing too. I had a friend share with me, a consultant and expert told them, hey, leadership, it's like being in the balcony. You got to stand up in the balcony and look down on the dance floor. I cringed when he shared that with me. To me, that's not a leader I want to work for. Someone who's up on the balcony, who's just peering over me watching what I'm doing. No, I want the leader that I interact with or the leader that I want to be that's willing to be on the dance floor having a good time, but yet aware enough to be able to look around and observe and understand, hey, who's dance with who, who's having a fun time, who has unique dance moves that maybe I couldn't otherwise recognize? Now there's a part where a leader needs to be able to step back and see the big picture. Well, I'll choose to do that on the way to the restroom. I'm going to choose to do that when I step away from the floor to get a different look. But not because I want to retire to the balcony. Just separate myself.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (11:02):
Leadership, today's age is about relationship. Tim, in his book, and I'm going to read this, created a graphic and it's the difference between the scientific age of leadership and the relationship age of leadership. In the scientific age, we expected people to have technical skills. Today, it's relational skills, people skills. In the scientific age, it was about command control and dictation. Today, it's connecting and collaborating. It's getting on that dance floor, dancing with people and enjoying the dance. Next, it's being motivated by the competition was a facet of the scientific age. Now, let's be motivated by compassion. Appreciate our place and our opportunity. Next it was scientific age was gathering facts. Today in the relationship age, it's about finding our meaning, our purpose, why are we here to do what we're doing?
(12:05):
The scientific age was focused on selling a product. Today, if we understand much more important to solve a problem. The scientific age, it was about a hierarchy, a top-down everyone having that spot, it goes back to that balcony image. I don't want a leader who's standing in the balcony above me. I want someone who circular, who's on the floor with me, an egalitarian. Scientific age was about never letting them see you sweat. Today, it's like, hey, my pits are sweating, but I'm in this with you. Let's go. Being authentic and vulnerable, throwing your arms in the air and saying, I don't have the answers, but I'm glad to go with you and we'll figure this out together. Lastly, as Tim shares here in this description between the scientific age and the relationship, age is, it used to be all about IQ, that the leaders were the ones that at the highest IQ. Now always, we've understand many, many entrepreneurs, many leaders, many people that have helped create a movement. They have IQ, they understand people, they're empathetic, they're authentic, they're real leadership.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (13:28):
If we take this embrace of being a a poet, a gardener, we all of a sudden have these values that tend to be constant. We have integrity, purpose, wisdom, but yet we understand that the approach can be different in every area. It's leaders that changed in that dance and embrace the paradoxes. They understand that, hey, one moment we're hip hop dance, and the next moment we're lyrically dancing, the next moment is just we're spinning, watching a circle as people are break dancing. That's life and it's okay. Leaders that embrace that saw to be on the dance floor, the highly relational, and as Tim recounts here they interpret what's going on. They interpret the culture well. They're emotionally secure enough to say, hey, I'm cool to stand here on the dance floor and not dance. Maybe that's not my style, but I'm going to be here and it's going to be okay. I'm not going to be so insecure to retreat to the balcony, to just look over people.
(14:34):
They share the ownership of the dance floor. They say, hey, this is ours. They empower others. They say, hey, I'm here to just follow. Let's dance. They're uncomfortable with, I don't know what song is going to come next. They listen and foster self-discovery. Hey, what dancer can you be? They embrace the role of a mentor, very likely in most cases, there's less formal structure. You think about going to a dance, being on the dance floor. It's just everyone's got their little spot. They do what they do and yet can be so harmonious.
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (15:18):
Last one, the poet, gardener, the leader who embraces the dance floor they're driven by service, not ego. They want to first connect, then help people grow. Tim uses this example in his book, the Idea of being a guard dog compared to a guide dog. We had a Rottweiler, she was just such a wonderful dog. She unfortunately passed away last year at the end of the year. As I read this piece, I thought of her. Here was a dog who was very intimidating. She was a very strong, bold Rottweiler. If you know Rottweiler, as they can be scary and intimidating, and yet she was probably one of the sweetest, kindest, most loving dogs. But yet, if her bark came out first and she thought she had to protect, you'd never get close enough to understand how loving and sweet and she just would want to stand by your side and serve.
(16:28):
You see, in our world today, I believe that's how leaders have gone. They have this image. I need to be a guard dog. I'll be honest, as an Enneagram eight, as a challenger, having these skills and strengths that I have, I tend to be a guard dog. I tend to want to grip my teeth into something and just tear. I've had to learn that doesn't help me. That doesn't help me serve or lead or guide other people. I need to instead embrace being a guard dog. Be that guide dog, excuse me, not a guard dog, a guide dog, and just come alongside people. Be empathetic. This idea of putting my arm around someone and walking with them, just as I imagine the sweetest, kindest golden retriever who just walks up beside you, sits down, just looks at you with those darling eyes, it's like, how can I serve you? Where can I lead you? How can I make sure that you're safe along the way?
[TYLER DICKERHOOF] (17:31):
We don't need a guard dog leader who's barking at everything, who tries to chase people away. Rather, we need a guide dog who's saying, even in the midst of uncertainty, I'll be here. I'll guide you. I'll make sure you're safe. I'll lead you where you need to be. Our leaders today need to be secure enough in themselves to be guide dogs and not so insecure, where our first stance is to be a guard dog and bark at everyone because of our uncertainty or our insecurity. A guard dog is intense and grows. A guide dog is meek. A guide dog understands what needs to be done, when it needs to be done. Guide dogs appreciate and know their weaknesses, and rather than barking at everyone, scaring them away, they understand, I know where I need to stand. I know where I need to stand to protect someone and take them where they need to be.
(18:48):
A guide dog leader, in my opinion, is a human first. They understand the key to relationships is vulnerability and transparency. If we can embrace the paradoxes that Tim writes about in this book, the Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership, to me, that leads us to a point of more vulnerability and transparency, more comfort in who we are as leaders. I believe our great barriers of leadership are those inherent armors that we put on that make us more guard dog rather than guide dog. It's understanding why do those barriers exist? Why have we put those walls around us? It's when we understand that can we start pulling the bricks off that wall and setting them aside so we don't need to bark at everything that makes us uncomfortable. We don't need to growl and let the hair on the back of our neck stand up when we feel like we're being pressured.
(20:00):
Uncommon leaders, as Tim explained here in this paradoxes, they understand when to be a guard dog and a guide dog. But I believe this, they don't start off by being a guard dog. They start by being a guide dog, much like you would imagine a sheep dog taking care of their sheep. They're just a part of the sheep and they're happy to help guide them and lead them. But if someone comes to attack, they'll be the first ones to lay down their life in order to stand up for the lambs they take care of. I got so much value out of this book, and again, it's the place where I'm living right now, the examples of leadership that I see around me, I see guard dogs and I'm lucky to have a few guide dog mentors that are explaining and showing the way for me.
(20:59):
I would love the same for you. I, again invite you to take place in the workshop, the Impact Driven Leader workshop November 14th and 15th. If it's after that date, don't worry. I'll have another one for you. You can inquire more. You can still go to theimpactdrivenleader.com or tylerdickerhoof.com. Get information there. I'll do it again. Why, because I want to bring value to you. I want to share from my experiences, I want to share from the failures that I've had in the past and how I've grown through them and continue to grow through them. I don't want to be that guard dog that's barking at everyone. I want to be that guide dog that just comes alongside you and says, hey, we can do this. We can be better leaders.
(21:42):
I've become a healthier leader. I know I have the people around me can contend to it, and I know that through this process I can help you, guide you through that path as well so where our fears and insecurities don't overwhelm us and encapsulate us with those armors and walls. You want to find out more information? I'd love for you to go to theimpactdrivenleader.com November 14th and 15th. Thanks for being here again. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for subscribing. Thanks for all your commentary. Whether you send a message or not I appreciate when you share this episode, when you share all these episodes with other people. I hope it brings value to them. I hope you've gotten value from it. Again, thanks for being here. Have a great rest of your day and we'll see you next time.
